I'm 42 years old. I have felt like I was supposed to be a woman since I was very young. Growing up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in the 80's and 90's even the fact that I was attracted to men was so incredibly taboo that I never met another LGBTQ person until leaving the city in my 20's. Being a Christian, I have also felt a tremendous amount of shame behind my feelings and desires. Instead of standing up against these things, I hid. I have lived my life as the straight person that everyone around me has always expected of me. I'm married to a woman, I have 3 kids, and through all of these years I have never felt comfortable in my own skin and feel like I'm living a lie. It took me a long time to realize that the only way I have ever really been able to be intimate with a woman is by fantasizing that I was in her place. The more and more I have seen and met other trans people who have undergone mtf bottom surgery, I have felt envy of their ability to have their body match what they feel. While I am married to a woman, I am ashamed to say I have never been able to stop being with men as well. I'm trying to gain more strength in my identity and figure out how I move forward from where I am to becoming the person on the outside which matches how I truly feel on the inside.
I can understand your feelings. Some of us went through the same caourossel of feelings. Lacy, sometimes our desisres and feelings are just a part of our sexual immagination. You are living a family life. So, after some time is normal to seek somethnig to spce up night life. More than you deny certain urges, stronger are feelings. Don't forget women materials are made for men lust and drive. It is normal to have such desires. But believe me Lucy, deep down we are still men with all that urges. In the edge of this world you won't have any such thoughts and urges. You are not living in a lie. You are living in a real world with some hidden kinks. And the definition of kinks depends of the society we live. Don't oversetimate the HRT. Fist try to find some professional help to dicover what are your true feelings, wishes and goals. By the ends of the day, we all depens on our families. And leaving some parts of our lives we could make big mistakes. It is not just simple as a switch. We all have a lot of laguagge. At the end of our lives we just want to have some familiar persons arround us. So, Lacy, your decison wouldn't affect only your life.
Welcome to TGH Lacy, be sure you are amongst like minded people.
I'm glad you have taken this step to be the real 'you' you owe it to yourself...as we all do.Β
Please look around the site, read and participate...I'm sure many of the answers you are looking for a right here. You will find friends here. Welcome sister!
Alex x
Hello Lacy,Β
Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.
*We are an English Language Site. Therefore, it would be prefered that you converse in Engish for all general topics on the site.*
You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
Terri Anne, Ambassador
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