Hey everyone, I have joined TGH to get a better understanding of myself and see if transitioning really is what i want or maybe im confused.
So I have done a ton of research on trans woman lives and how they realized they are 100% trans. Now not to sound weird but I feel as though I truly fall under the lens of being transgender based on
1. Generally grossed out or ashamed of my own body and genitals growing up. 2. I find having sex with a man absolutely repulsive however fantasize about it as being a woman frequently. 3. Always loved girly things like wanting to get my nails done, shaving my legs, makeup, clothes the whole 9 but was never comfortable showing that part of me to anyone in my life ever. 4. This has been a battle for almost 18 years as I'm 29 now. 5. I got goosebumps and smiled the first time someone called me riley on here.
I mean so those are the main reasons and just recently I talked to my therapist about the feelings and she completely reaffirmed my thoughts and she thinks i am. I still have my doubts but it moreso comes from social anxiety and fear of leaving my current life in the past and presenting as a woman. It scares the daylights out of me and passing i know shouldnt matter but has held me back to this point. I'm 5"11 230lbs and most would consider me a pretty big guy.
<p style="text-align: center;">Anyways I wont drag out an intro any longer and i appreciate the ladies who gave me good advice in chat last night but this is my intro. So what's the next best steps? And how can I make the most of being apart of this community? Also with what i said above should I have any doubt on my sexual orientation or do those things fall in line with alot of woman here?</p>
Hey Riley,🤗🤗
So I basically agree with every point you made as mirror to my own experience. I'm the end I'm not sure either.
For what it's worth I'm trying to follow my therapists guidance on this, he is not convinced I'm trans, or he hasn't admitted it to me yet if he is. He wants me to get dressed up and go out into the world fully presenting as a woman. He said after I do that we can analyze my feelings from the experience and get a much clearer look at my true feelings on the subject.
How he explains this working makes sense to me and stands to reason it applies to all, so my advice is to do the same thing I'm doing and claw your way into the outside world and then go see your therapist about what happened.
<p style="text-align: left;">I hope this helps hunny, and to answer your poll, non of them apply.</p>
Good advice and thank you for responding. I guess my therapist other then the being unsure said the same thing. Go out into the world and see how you feel. It's absolutely terrifying though right? Personally I'm too self conscious of what people would think ATM to try that. I feel as though the society we live in sucks and every person wherever i am would be judging me the entire time. Seems like a tough thing to be able to overcome.
Riley:
Glad you wandered in! I like to think of things in terms of probabilities. From what you said, it is quite likely that you are transgender. Who you said is close to what I’ve heard from some other trans women, but there are no absolutes.
Regarding sexuality, trans folks are all over the map just like cis people are. There doesn’t seem to be any set pattern to this. Personally, I know trans women who identify as lesbian and some who identify as straight (attracted to males) and a few who somewhere in between. Anyway, the point is that sexuality isn’t an indicator of ones gender identity.
A good therapist will help peel away the things that act to obstruct our clear thinking. It is very difficult to consider altering ones life and the consequences to which that may lead. Often our minds will not consider such issues in any depth as that can bring a lot of stress to our lives. Think of times when we have had to make a difficult decision or deal with an unlikeable person. It is not unusual that we would continue to put it off as long as we can to avoid that stress. Our minds often don’t like to deal with those kinds of situations. So, a therapist will help to navigate that minefield.
In addition, be reminded that there are those who are Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) and are both taller and larger than you. All we can do is look the best that we can with what we have to work with. MANY who are AFAB are unhappy with their body image.
Please complete your Profile page. It really helps other members to understand your situation and where you are headed. The page can be updated any time.
If you would like to search for other members near you, click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
Hey Riley, welcome to the club hun!
I'd like to add that before experiencing the world through her eyes, can you fully say "i have to present as female full time"? My first therapy stalled on this same point, without the first hand experience we got stuck, and then...
The first time i introduced Chloe to my real life friends, we went out to a (normal) bar; it entriely shifted my perception and my understanding of the world and also how i present in it.
Dressing and presenting female changes how others interact with you, i felt more vulnerable and like judged or on display, and also wary of walking on my own, or around groups, for instance. This is only from my experience here, but it in no way blunted my desire, like i have never felt to alive yet also so right in myself and confident in this way!
Its not easy, its scary af to be honest, taking those first steps but its the most valuable thing you can do. if you want to chat more, or would like advice i'm so much more than happy to do what i can to help a sister 🤗
Chloe ❤️
- <li style="text-align: left;">Thanks so much for answering, and i have since updated my profile completely😁 So i guess my problem with that is I havent put myself in a position to have friends that would be accepting of me making these changes for me. I know I know people can surprise you, but i can count my close friends on one hand of those none are woman and my guy friends i know for certain would be so unapproving and make me feel absolutely horrible about my life. Thats one of the reasons I joined here first. Now i have a consultation at a health facility called trillium health in the near future and im hoping to gain alot of insight and resources and a good plan. They focus solely on trans related any kind of care really. Rights now due to covid ive been sharing a place with 2 of my sister's and brother in law so possibly the best steps could be coming out in front of them but I really dont know.
Yes, I know about Trillium. I lived in Corning for 23 years before I retired and moved to the desert. I still get mail from them since I made a donation some years ago. It was before they changed their name to Trillium, but I can't remember what it was before.
From what I've seen, and my personal experience, admitting the truth to yourself can be very difficult. As is said, the first person that you come out to is yourself. The odd thing is that it was a bit different for me. In the early 90's I came out as gay. A few years later I figured out that I was actually bisexual. I suspect that dealing with this made the realization that I was transgender much easier several years later. Having one mental upheaval made the next one feel like "Been There, Done That".
Working through substance abuse has been an issue for a number of trans people. Same thing has also happened for many gay folks. Anyway, VERY happy that you are now on the right path!
Finally, Thank You for completing your Profile page! One of the things that I have found is that when you write something like that, it requires that you think about it a bit. I wound up remembering some things that I might have missed otherwise.
Be Well!
Yes I agree I feel the same way, but you have to realize that yes they are judging you but only a few are judging you poorly. Most are checking you out as a woman. It's that feeling you get when being judged as a woman that you need to deep dive into.
Once that was made clear to me I knew I had to put my fears aside and just do it. Or sit around the house always feeling at odds my self. It's hard but I'm going to do it. I hope you do too soon🤗
