Hi Riley!
I understand where you are coming from, I'm much of the same story. Maybe start adopting more of your feminine self in private and see how you feel. I've been standing at the mouth of the rabbit since I was 8 and am finally seeing where it goes. Go at your own pace and really explore what you want and what it will mean (Physically, Emotionally, Socially and Financially) to get there. Make sure this isn't a fleeting fancy, you don't want to go done any path too hastily, especially one you can't back track. If this is what you really want then I would start with seeing a physiatrist that can help you on your journey. The locals tab can help.
Welcome to the forum
Lots a luv
Valerie
Hi Riley, welcome to the best transperson site on the Web! You can read my bio for thw whole back story, but I just started HRT in November and estradiol a few weeks ago. My wife of 40 years was blindsided by my crossdressing, then another body blow when I realized I needed to start HRT.
From my experience, the feelings of dysphoria never get better. Meds can mute the anxiety and depression, but they can pretty much sideline you from your own life (as I was for most of my 6 decades on this rock). The fear of coming out is understandable - I was barely able to come ot to my wife as a CD. But all my other interactions have been overwhelmingly positive. Outside of a spouse or children, most people won't react badly because they are into their own lives and problems.
But that being said, I've been told I pass well. I started coming out to people that would be most affirming. I stayed in stealth to everyone but my medical team, and joined a local group of CDs and TGs that get together once a month to just talk and have a meal or beverage at a LGBTQ-friendly place here.
Depending on your community, most people you'd encounter may double take, but won't say or do anything to embarrass you. Just be cautious around momma bears with her cubs if you need to use a ladies' room while out. Make sure that there are no children in a public restroom and wait or go elsewhere. You can google public stores, etc. that have LGBTQ-friendly restrooms ("family" facilites, or even men, women, and trans or "other").
If you do decide to come out to people, my therapist suggested by starting with ones you KNOW will be accepting. If a family member or friend is negative, then set boundaries to let them know you will have to limit contact if they won't accept your decision to live your life the way that is most fulfilling to you. Also, make sure your employer has all the safeguards in place to ensure you are affirmed.
I know your original post is a year old, but I also saw you have recent posts and replies. Hope mine can give some clarity. For what it's worth even though my marriage has been somewhat imploded, I don't reget starting to come out, just that I didn't trust my wife's reaction years ago to tell her my truth.
Hugs,
Brie
I mean so those are the main reasons and just recently I talked to my therapist about the feelings and she completely reaffirmed my thoughts and she thinks i am. I still have my doubts but it moreso comes from social anxiety and fear of leaving my current life in the past and presenting as a woman. It scares the daylights out of me and passing i know shouldnt matter but has held me back to this point. I’m 5″11 230lbs and most would consider me a pretty big guy.
Hi Riley
Well I was 6ft 2inches and 470+ pounds when I started. My posture has changed to get me to your height and 320pounds. So I'm now the same height as my sister, 3inches shorter than my cousin (her legs are on millions of tights packets), 2inches shorter than my aunt, and about eye-to-eye with other female family and friends when they're in heels. Act confident, dress appropriately, be confident, always have a bag (apparently a red flag thing except at certain social occasions), and be very aware of what's around you. In doing these you'll start to blend in and that's the key. I've been Madam'd several times when trying to look male which shows that most people don't look properly - on one occasion I had three days stubble FFS.
The first few trips out will be terrifying but that will rapidly fade until it's normal. I recently had to present male at my Father's funeral and it felt so, so wrong. I changed at the first supermarket restroom I found and the last male outfit went into the air ambulance collection bin. I felt very uncomfortable with it around much like the first items of female clothing I brought.
You'll be fine and surprised at how many guys like tall girls.
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I love this and my husband has the same feelings, likes and fears as you. Your beautiful and thank you for sharing. My husband is considered a muscle sissy, shes 5'10 and 175lbs tattoos and muscles. I know it can be hard but your beautiful no matter how you see yourself.
