Hi from Houston!

Well, after fighting it for a while, I am starting to see myself as trans or going trans or whatever (words fail me). 70yo AMAB, look too much like John Wayne, 6’4”, shoulders made to be on a lineman, hands that need XXXL work gloves, men’s 14 US shoe size, voice almost as low and big as Barry White… and am starting to face up to being female in everything but the wrapper I come in… if I understand the term, I think my egg is cracking… moments of joy as I feel my feminine energy welling up, breaking free, allowing myself to have those forbidden thoughts and emotions alternating with sudden tears over the impossibility of my situation… something has clicked and there is no going back to wearing that suit of ‘manhood’ I wore to fit in, to be ‘normal’ but all the while knowing that wasn’t ‘me’ but not understanding what was wrong, never being ‘one of the boys’, being subtly ‘othered’  by men but welcomed by women, in a non sexual way. Looking back, everyone saw there was ‘something’ about me that ‘wasn’t right’, everyone but me. Since my divorce 3 years ago I have wandered trying to find ‘my tribe’. Feeling the tug of wanting to express my femme, I tried cross dressing and it scratched an itch but wasn’t ‘me’, I tried the ‘sissy’ role, adding a sexual component and found that it was closer to being fulfilling than my hetero ‘man’ role had ever been but it wasn’t ‘me’… what I feel isn’t about putting on a costume and playing a role for a little while, there is a true ‘me’ that wants to be fully expressed and be lived as a life, so here I am. Too late to put the genie back in the bottle, so time to figure out what the hell to DO now. HRT is calling me… here I go! Glad I found this place! Megan