Hi I’m Anabel, just joined and trying to figure out my pursuit to wellness
Thoughts of being transgender probably arose before I was 6 years old. My young body didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel good about having a penis. At that point in my life, I had no idea about what this meant. I had and still do have mostly CIS female friends ( I have always felt more comfortable around females). As I grew older I was interested in girl’s hairstyles, hair bleach, color and perms, pixie styles. Then I started to become a bit interested in female cloths...I began to sit down while peeing and began electolysis. I never wore fem cloths publicly until I had my first appointment with my psychologist...never after though. The psychologist I met with confirmed what I had been questioning for most of my life. On my second visit she authored a letter confirming that Hormone therapy would be a good fit for me. She made an appointment for me to go see an endocrinologist 2 weeks after our initial meeting and promised to write a letter concerning confirming SRS bottom surgery in less than a year if I would start presenting as a women shortly after our first meeting. The psychologist asked me to make physical changes, in my attire and overall presentation...”get your ears pierced, get some bracelets, wear fem cloths and paint your finger nails and start wearing makeup.” After my meetings with the psychologist I felt empowered, I felt ready for the challenge, Yet somehow I talked myself out of it and nothing changed, I didn’t proceed with anything. Now about 4 years later my physical transition has come to a complete halt...I feel like I chickened out for many reasons. I felt my parents and friends would disown me...but now both my parents have passed away and I only have a few friends. I felt that my business clients would not understand and that this would cause economic hardships for myself. If I have gender dysphoria I would want to completely transition. I dream of having a vagina but I’m not into pain, so the bottom surgery is suppose to be very painful, difficult to imagine going into to a hospital to receive elective surgery and face weeks or months of pain by myself. So at this point I’m trying to figure out my path. I”m online daily with questions regarding transition, and I thinking about transistioning dail. I still wonder if I am truly trans? Although all the indicators are present, I wonder why I haven’t proceeded yet....am I really trans, is this a long phase I’m going through...how do you start transistioning? Or better not to? I feel a bit lost and I’m looking for insight
Hi Anabel,
I understand what you are going thru. You can be Transgender and not have to have surgery. How old are you? I'm 72 and just recently realize that I could be TG and it runs in the family. I am healthy with a very good heart and I have no plans in of putting that at risk. Things do happen on the operating table. The older you get, the harder to recover.
That being said, I feel like a Lady and I do my best to act like one when all possible. It is not a perfect world but it has to do for now. In your Heart, you can be a Lady to, just like it. You are in the right place for help. There are women here that can help you more than I can. I wish you well.
Love,
Vicki E.
Hi Anabel!
I think you are describing a process that we all go through. We come to a realization that we are transgender...we take the necessary steps to make our outside reality match our inside reality...and then we stop.
This is life changing stuff! What will our family think and do? What will our friends think and do? What will our employers think and do? Any rational person is stopped by those thoughts! Will everyone reject me? Will I be laughed at and ridiculed? Will I be abandoned and alone?
When we reach that point, I think we all need a good therapist and a supportive community that understands what we are going through.
With the right support, we are in a position to decide what we need to be free to be ourselves. Maybe it isn’t Surgery or even HRT. I think we each have our own path to peace.
In coming on this site I think you have taken a huge step in finding your unique path.
God’s Peace,
Dawn
Anabel, we have to be ready for ourselves to take steps. It can take a long time and is why we call it a journey and not a race. Good counseling and support will help you sort out for yourself what is important to you so you can achieve that right answer to what you need.
Hugs, Ambassador Cloe
