Hi there, my names Skyler or Sky for short. Apologies in advance if this is formatted poorly or there are any grammatical or spelling errors.
I'm here because I'm in need of some advice. I've been questioning my gender since I was in highschool (roughly 16 then, 24 now) even back then adopting they/them pronouns because I never quite fit in with the other guys but I never felt like a girl either. I, for the longest time I have lived with my family and had huge fears for the longest time of dressing in feminine clothes and makeup and such around them, even when they weren't particularly unsupportive of me.
Things changed when I started living with my roommates though. For the longest time I put my gender exploration on the back burner because I was too occupied with my parents trying to set me up to suceed until they fell out and I had to move out. Once I finally got into my own space in my roommates house I had a lot of time to truly express who I am and this has lead me to want to look into finding and settling in to a safe and comfortable identity as up to the point I've basically had no identity.
Which leads me to this week, and where I feel I need the most help at the moment: I have been feeling this sad, hurting feeling in my chest that only goes away when engaging with female peers and characters in the media I consume, making feminized versions of myself in character creators, wearing feminine clothes etc. (Makes me feel like I'm not in my own amab body) But when I step back from all that and looking at myself and whatI thought I was over the years, I start feeling disgusted and desperately longing to go back to it.
So my questions: Are these feelings "normal"? Do you think exploring new identities more will help with these feelings? And I guess if they were to come up again how would you manage them?
Ty 
-Sky
@inkychen dear we are glad you’re here . Trying to sort through your feelings can be a real challenge. So many of us on this site have been where you’re at. You are not alone. You could really benefit from talking to a therapist familiar with gender issues . There may s also a national organization known as PFLAG which offers support at no charge you might see if there is a local chapter in your area
@inkychen Hello Sky, and welcome. Sounds like you have lots of thoughts going on at the same time. Take comfort in knowing most of us did or do experience lots of stuff inside our bodies. Some of us, like me, have had to figure most of it out on our own over the years as things like internet and support people and groups were nonexistent. I can only suggest to you there are organizations out there wanting to help those that want help in figuring this stuff out. PFLAG is the one that comes to mind. Speak with your family doctors and ask they find a gender therapist you can see pro ono and go from there. I hope you find answers to our questions.
Yep, those feelings are perfectly normal (though I don't happen to like that term). I sug-gest you keep on with your reflections/exploration, and include plenty of counseling and connecting with similar groups and individuals. And, also maybe "take things in little bites." There've been some occasions (like when on alcohol, and/or drugs), when I've engaged in behavior which I later greatly regretted.
