Introduction

Rachel:

Glad you could join us!

I suspect that there are many here who share you situation. In other words, how to make the best of things given certain constraints.

Many of the members here have enlisted the aid of a therapist. Obviously depression and irritability are not good spaces in which to dwell. A therapist may help you reach an understanding so that doesn't happen, or at least minimize it. One point to remember that every therapist does not have experience in gender issues, so it is important to find one that does if you do go looking for one. If you decide to do that, Psychology Today magazine has a searchable database on its web site that lists therapists (with their bio information) from all over the US and the world.

It would be helpful if you complete your Profile page. It is a good way for others to get to know you better and understand your journey.  All threads eventually sink to the bottom of the heap, but the Profile page will always be accessible and can be updated at any time as needed.

If you would like to search for others who may be nearby, click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

OK, I updated my profile and added a picture.

Nice picture if a beautiful woman 🙂 I think we have similar excuses for not becomming who we really are?  ….

Very Good! Nice smile, too.

Medical science and mental health science are always evolving as new things are learned and theories proven or disproven. And yes, all this causes definitions to change and evolve over time. For me, I identify as non-binary. I have no plans to physically transition as I never felt that I was in the wrong body. However, what I did eventually come to realize was that I have always been this amalgam of male and female energies and sensibilities. Once I realized that,  lot of things in my earlier life made sense. Also, the definitions changed as clinicians realized that all transgender people don't have dysphoria.

While I am not physically transitioning, I have essentially socially transitioned. In all the organizations that I have been a part of, or held offices in, since I retired and relocated here in 2016, DeeAnn is the person of record. Very few have met, or even know of, Don. The only thing left would be to have all my documents renamed, but that is a lot of work for very little benefit. On occasion I do go out as Don. The most recent times were back in February and March when we went to be vaccinated. I didn't want people to get confused by looking at DeeAnn but seeing Don's ID.

One thing to remember is that only somewhere around 30% of trans people have affirmation surgery. The reasons are varied. If your medical insurance doesn't cover it, or you don't have insurance, many people cannot afford to self fund. Some may be poor medical risks due to pre-existing conditions. Some may not be able to leave work for the 6 or 8 weeks of recovery. Some may be caregivers for someone and can't get a replacement for that time. And finally, some just do not want to do such an invasive surgery. Anyway, the message is that there are many that would be eligible to transition, but do not. I suspect that the general population assumes that every trans person has affirmation surgery, but obviously that isn't the case.

I had a good friend who was intersex, but sadly she passed away a couple of years ago. We met shortly after I moved here and it caused me to do some investigation of the subject. Once again, I think the beliefs of the general population are suspect because many probably believe that the condition is obvious. What I learned is that some people essentially show no or hardly any noticeable signs. Their intersex condition shows up at the chromosomal level. Kills the theory, doesn't it? Anyway, she was one of the fortunate ones. She was born in the early 50's but her parents resisted the advice of doctors and did not allow any surgeries. She grew up male, married and fathered 2 daughters. Her transition began, but only with HRT, 2 or 3 years before we met.

Anyway, it is a complicated world and there are many roads to town. Best Wishes for your journey!

I can’t have children (either way, father or mother).  I didn’t know I was intersex, but I feel sort of stupid for not knowing.  I mean, my psychologist suspected it based on what I told him.  I did WONDER whether or not I was maybe intersex, but the Endocrinologist I had seen since I was 16 never mentioned it.

I went to a new Endocrinologist and one of the first things he said to me was: “so…you’re intersex.  I have other patients with the same disorder and I know how to treat it, so you’re in good hands.”

Whoa!  Wait!  What?  (Not horror, but sudden recognition).  Anyway, I should have been told.  I should have known.  Now, I know.

I suspect that my parents were told when I was an infant.  I had a surgery on my penis, and they “don’t remember why” I needed it.  Yeah.  Right.  Why ask why, right?  Sure.

Really?  What do you think we have in common?

Damn, makes me wonder about the competence and/or morality of the first doctor...