Hello dear members of the site,
Greetings to you all. Thanks for taking your time to read through this post of mine. Introductions are always tough. They are tougher for someone like me even more when it's hard to come out in real life to be myself. This is supposed to be a non-judgmental space, yet, it took me 3 days to think through and make it here.
I have not always been so shy or nervous about introductions. I have been a past member of CDH. Things were quite different as I was still navigating and understanding where I belong. Then I got a chance to be myself for three days and boom, things were way clear that I am not just a cross dresser and that this feeling was way more serious than what I imagined. I knew I belonged here, but it took me over an year to make my appearance here. Thanks to my therapist as well, who has been quite supportive in expressing my feelings too.
Now that said, I am thirty four years old, yet to completely come out to my family and friends. I was born and brought up in a very conservative and traditional family in the southern part of a small town in India. I always knew that something was feeling off about my body, but it took me a while to understand who I really am and what I really want. Will I be able to make it to the next step? Well things are complicated. Enough of that for now, if I spill all the beans, what would we talk about when you DM me? Oh did I forget to say that? My DMs are always open and you do not need permission to come say hi. Instead, I will feel even more happier to be greeted by a message waiting in my inbox when I login - making me feel that someone else in this world cares if I am alive or not 🙂
I know I am rambling a lot. Sorry, when the emotions are so pent up, it takes a while to put those into words 🙂 Also, I am near the border of Virginia and DC, if that matters. And to those it may matter - I am a heavy person weighing around two hundred and fifty pounds and I am five foot eight inch taller. Yes, I am aware I need to work on my weight and I am trying my best. Did you just say pizza to tease me? No more Pizza Friday nights for me 🙁
So what am I here for? Well, thanks for making it so far. So, here is what I am looking for here. Although I am married, I can never let my wife know about what I actually feel. I know a few of you might have been in the same boat, and you may have crossed this stage with utmost courage. To those who might assume that I am cheating my wife with this second life of mine - Please understand that I've tried many times to talk to her quoting some examples around. She does not understand what I am going through because she comes from the same conservative background, as that of me, and I know how hard it is for her to accept and realize these feelings. So, instead of forcing my feelings to her, I am waiting for her to explore the world and understand me at some point.
Another aspect that changed and delayed my decision is because of my kid. I do not want to spoil my kid's childhood because of what I am going through. I personally feel that I do not have that right to do that and I am willing to wait until my kid would be of age to understand that I am not the man my kid expects me to be. So, for me to even start the life I want to have, I would probably end up in my mid to late forties.
I have told myself multiple times that I could be able to wait, but every day, I feel much lonelier. So, here I am, seeking for a friend to share my feelings with and if possible talk to. I wouldn’t be against to meet, but given the current situation at home and given that I work from home, I have no way to talk or meet in personal. Please do understand that if we ever happen to meet, I might end up meeting you as a male, but I would want to at least dress up, if situation permits as a girl. I may be getting ahead of myself with all these, but to start with, I am seeking a genuine and warm person of any gender who I can share my feelings with.
If you have made it so far and if you are interested to have me as your friend, I would consider myself very lucky.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks,
Shanthi Priya
Shanthi:
Glad that you found us. One of the important things about this site is that I doubt that you talk about something or pose a question that no one here has experienced. Think of it as a large database.
As far as connecting with others on the site, I think taking a proactive approach works better than waiting for folks to contact you. You can search our Member Directory and look for members in your area or close by.
One thing to know is that there are many of us who are on both sites, as am I. It isn’t necessarily a matter of where we belong. For me, I present as DeeAnn 95+% of the time. I am known as DeeAnn across all of my civic, political and charitable endeavors.The vast majority of people that I know have no idea who Don is. But, while I identify as a transgender woman, I have remained on CDH in order to share what I know about clothing, sizing, jewelry, accessorizing, etc. My story anyway.
As you work through your issues and the family issues that you mentioned, remember that there is no set way of dealing with these situations. Even though there may be similarities for you compared to others, every set of circumstances has some unique aspects that require different paths and different decisions.
Shanthi,
Hi and welcome! I hear you and can relate to your situation. Allow me to explain.
I must admit that I am just starting my journey. Like you, I have always known that something was off. And only within the last few years have I discovered what is was. Although I was born as a male, with all the male parts, whenever I would see women in two piece bathing suit, dresses, lingerie, and even heels, I knew that I wanted to have those things. I knew that really I was a female on the inside. I repressed that feeling as long as I could. A few years ago it really got to me, so I decided to see a therapist to talk about these feelings. Eventually from all our conversations she diagnosed me as having gender dysphoria and that I was trans. Being a married man with two grown daughters I couldn't transition right away. Recently my wife of 36 1/2 years moved out of our house. I am alone now and divorce is probably right around the corner. I have a special someone in Texas who supports me being trans and is willing to be with me during the transition process. Then we are going to be married as lesbians. She is a lesbian. Therefore, I am so looking forward to transitioning and getting married as a woman.
Good luck in your endeavors and your transition to female.
Shennae
@shennae21 Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry that things didn’t workout with your wife, but I am so happy to hear that you are going to start a new chapter in your life. I am so happy for you. Take care and keep smiling.
Thanks,
Shanthi
Hi Shanti.
Welcome to TGH. I am also a CDH member. You have made a nice introduction. It took me two years to write mine here. Nobody knows yourself better than you do. You have to be comfortable when you interact with others. At the end it's your life, it's your decision. We are here just to support you. Never to tell you what you have to do.
I am glad to have you here.
Gisela
@firefly thank you so much for such warm welcome and your kind words 🙂 Have a good rest of the week
