It is I!

Hello!

Online I go by Krenn. I believe I started feeling gender incongruence as early as five years old, but I didn't know what a transgender person was until I was in my early teen years and came across a trans timeline of a grungy girl that I identified strongly with in terms of aesthetic. Although I wouldn't openly admit it at the time, the feelings that arose from this gave me inspiration for a life I never thought possible. It wasn't long after that I was working out a budget for living on my own, getting on HRT, and a few other procedures such as laser hair removal and potentially other surgeries. I struggled with, and continue to struggle with (to a lesser extent), suicidality largely brought on by gender dysphoria, anxiety, and depression. At the time, everyone I knew was either ambivalent or unaccepting of me being trans, so I didn't do anything to alter my appearance and suppressed most of my feelings for a few years. This masking resulted in me feeling that the gender incongruence was a phase.

Over the next few years, a few important things happened. I met my fiancee, who made it clear she would accept me for who I am. I moved out of my parents' house, and after a growing amount of stress at an insurance job that I disliked, I made one of the most dramatic decisions of my life to that point and quit without notice.

Following that, I had enough money to take a small vacation from work. This gave me some time to relax and reflect on myself. During this time, I vividly remember lying next to my fiancee (who was then my girlfriend). She said that I was an amazing boyfriend, and as if a switch flipped, the feelings of gender incongruence hit me like a truck. I cried in front of her and told her how I felt. Then the next few weeks I reflected on my past and noted several aspects of my personality that made it clear that I couldn't live life as a man. Not long after that, I got an entry level job and happened to be coworkers with a trans woman, who advised me on how she started HRT, among a few other pieces of trans-related advice. I got on HRT very shortly after, and I've been letting it work its wonders since then.

I feel like I've been taking my transition slowly, although I wish that wasn't the case. While my depression and dysphoria have been helped a lot by my transition, my social anxiety has gotten a bit worse now that I feel like I'm somewhat of an outcast. I've struggled a bit financially so I have yet to get laser treatment, which is the next big step for me. As it stands, the emotional and physical changes of HRT have been immensely helpful for my emotional stability and self acceptance. And unless I'm unlucky I know I have many years ahead of me to really start living.

My hobbies include: playing video/board games, listening to/creating/rating music, writing, reading (mostly non fiction or doing online research about various topics).

My favorite music artists are Brian Eno, Bjork, Aphex Twin, and Guillaume de Machaut. I listen to music almost all of my waking hours and it's typically these individuals that I listen to.