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lost a friend and lost myself

6 Posts
6 Users
8 Thanks
Posts: 1
Topic starter
Active Member     South Africa, Gauteng, Johannesburg
Joined: 3 months ago

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to talk about my best friend and what I've been going through. We were friends for 20 years – just regular guys. We lived pretty cis male lifestyles, he came up to me one day and told me he was transgender. That was fine by me, he was worried it would ruin the years of friendship that we had and funnily enough, despite the masculine driven personalities that we and our friend group had, the question of walking away from the friendship never entered my mind. we did loose alot of friends on the journey sadly 

We had a roller-coaster of an adventure, ups and downs galore. He started transitioning around 21, 22. sadly she passed away roughly 15 months ago. 

When I tried to get support from others, I found that a lot of people just didn't get it. They had their biases, and i was shocked at how inhumane their opinion's were i realised that i would never relate to these people and trying to reach out was a complete waste of time. So i have been pretty much dealing with it on my own. 

Thanks for listening.

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2 Replies
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Canada, Ontario, Renfrew
Posts: 179

@disconnectedfromreality Caleb, I’m so sorry for your loss. You seem like an open minded person who accepts rather than judges. Thank you. Imagine how we trans folk feel everyday in our lives having to deal with all the negativity out there. Take comfort knowing we understand how you feel and our hearts go out to you.  Hugs, Jillleanne

Joined: 4 years ago

Trusted Member     United States of America, Minnesota, Park Rapids
Posts: 69

@disconnectedfromreality I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.  I hope you can take some solace in the knowledge that your acceptance and support made all the difference in her life.

Posts: 99
Estimable Member     United States of America, Illinois, near Chicago
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Caleb, 

Thank you for reaching out. I am happy that you supported your friend as she worked in being her authentic self. Thank you for that support.

Transition is difficult and those who do often loose much of their former life. Having you to support her I sure was huge for her. I am sorry to hear of her passing and to learn that you have experienced such rejection of her and no doubt of you as you supported her.

Rejection - this is perhaps the major factor keeping many of us in the closet. Often being trans publicly puts us in the same class as the lepers in the Bible. Christ didn't reject them, neither does he reject the trans person.

I am trans,  In the closet for all practical purposes. I am not up for facing the onslaught of rejection that would come with going public. But neither will I nor can I (like your friend) deny my trans identity. I find comfort to sustain me knowing I am not rejected by Christ. In that I carry on.

Kind regards,


Posts: 1
    India, Delhi
Joined: 3 months ago

I can identify with your situation (although, i am not clear whether you lost her to or just as a result of an argument) of losing a friend. Except i lost a v close friend to a disease which didn’t get cured.

Posts: 14
Active Member     United States of America, New York, Long Island East Nassau
Joined: 6 years ago

I'm sorry you lost your friend. Sounds like you two had a great friendship. I think you were both blessed. I understand when you say that they just don't get it. Most people don't understand what Transgender people go through. It takes many of our own community a long time to understand who they are. Thank you for being a good friend. 



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