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New cross over from CDH

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Posts: 21
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(@skyler1090)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Illinois, Chicago
Joined: 6 years ago

Excuse me while I copy and paste my profile bio lol.

Scared, nervous and confused I guess sums it up. I’m Skyler. I’m 28 and from Chicago. I still live my life as a male. However, I have felt a strong sense of being “different” since I was roughly 5. Maybe sooner, but that’s the first I remember feeling the way I do. I’ve spent the last 28 years covering myself up. I’m finally to the point of “I can’t do this any longer.” I realized recently where my lifetime of depression and other psychological problems have stemmed from. I enrolled myself in therapy to help better cope with my feelings and emotions and to help better describe these feelings to family and friends. Specially my fiancé. She has been incredibly supportive, however used a line that stuck in me like a dagger. “I’m fine with you wearing what your comfortable in, just so long as you don’t want a sex change or something.” Hurt? Yes. But I understand her view. She wants to marry her husband. Not have a wife. She doesn’t understand exactly the thoughts and emotions I deal with on a daily basis but how could she? Anyway, I digress. I’ve been a member on crossdress heaven for a few months and have made some connections there, I just feel like a lot of the people on there see what they’re doing as a hobby. I see it as affirmation of who I really am and always have been. I wanted to come here to get more meaningful conversations from other girls who have gone through this and can help me find my path through this journey. I am an open book and am open to chatting any time. I’ll be around here as often as possible.

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4 Replies
Posts: 202
(@cyberian2)
Estimable Member     Canada, Avon, Elliot Lake
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Skyler.....welcome to TGH! This site is very new unlike CDH that has been around for quite a while. We do have a lot of CDH'rs here now. One really doesn't know if as a cross-dresser whether or not they wish to transgender. This is not something to be entered into lightly.

I am happy to see you researching on this site. The questions and needed assitance are quite closely tied together. If you need any assistance or want to know the nitty gritty of Transgendering...I can assist you with that, if you wish or any of our other girls. As I always say.....my door is always open....do come in and let's chat about our lifestyles.

TTFN........

Hugs.....

Dame Veronica

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Posts: 21
Member
Topic starter
(@skyler1090)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Illinois, Chicago
Joined: 6 years ago

Thank you so much. I guess after my recent therapy sessions having my therapist encouraging me to be myself, live how I want to and telling me to show up to the sessions how I’m most comfortable, I’ve started realizing that I’ve buried so many feelings and thoughts over the years. It’s been a tailspin if emotions these last few weeks. I do a good job of hiding it for the most part but there is still that fear factor that lurks behind my every decision and thought. I came flat out to my therapist last week when she asked how I feel as Skyler. I told her simply “this is me. I wish I could always feel as happy as I am in this moment right now.” I think that was my ah ha moment making me realize I have felt like this for 28 years. I’ve just had too much negativity in life holding me back from reaching my true potential. I’ll be in touch with you. Thank you again so much!

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Posts: 17
(@karenmichaels)
Active Member     United States of America, Texas, Fort Worth
Joined: 6 years ago

Welcome Skyler, so happy you've found us!

Your her story is so relatable.  Just last evening my wife asked me when I first knew.  I told her it's my earliest memory. At three or four years of age I couldn't understand why some kids dressed and played one way while other kids played another way; and why I wasn't allowed to play with the girls.

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Posts: 21
Member
Topic starter
(@skyler1090)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Illinois, Chicago
Joined: 6 years ago

Welcome Skyler, so happy you’ve found us!

Your her story is so relatable. Just last evening my wife asked me when I first knew. I told her it’s my earliest memory. At three or four years of age I couldn’t understand why some kids dressed and played one way while other kids played another way; and why I wasn’t allowed to play with the girls.

Thank you Karen. I feel it’s how a lot of us felt growing up. It was so hard growing up like that but hey, it gives me something to talk about in therapy lol. But really, it was hard being the oldest brother trying to be a roll model for my little brothers. My mom and dad told me how much they looked up to me and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. Nobody realizes I looked to them for all of my guidance on being a boy. Even then, I fell flat on my face. I didn’t have many male friends. My best friend growing up is still my best friend now and I haven’t even told him these things. That’s going to change next week. I’ve decided that the first step to this journey is telling those close to me that I know will accept me for who I am. I’m terrified of his reaction, but at the same time, we’ve been through so much together. I don’t think he could ever be resentful if I told him my whole story. I’ll keep everyone updated on my journey. I plan to start a thread in the transition stories forum to document my progression.

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