Hello, Dani here. I’m new to this website, and I’ve just begun HRT at age 74(!). It’s been a long time coming.
I’m interested in conversation with others who might be in a similar situation. Back in the late 90s I started some counseling to address gender issues. That was helpful, and the result of those sessions was greater acceptance of my own feelings as well as a better level of communication and acceptance with my spouse. I’ve now been married for over 50 years to a woman I love and like a lot.
About a year ago I began another series of counseling sessions. I really had no idea that I was headed to a decision about HRT and transition, but here I am. My friends have been overwhelmingly supportive and even encouraging. My spouse not so much.
I’ve come to think that my gender dysphoria has basically been the repression of my gender identity and expression in which I have been fully complicit.
I’m in a transitional stage of life. I just retired after a career of 47 years as a corporate lawyer (think “white shoe” lawyer in big firm - although my career has been in Western NY and not NYC). My professional career was always carried out right along acceptable lines. I’ve raised 3 beautiful daughters (and I’ve often thought that if there is a god, it was planned that I should have daughters and not sons). I have a great-niece who is transgender (at age 16) who has inspired me. I have. 6 year old grandson who loves wearing princess dresses and who inspires me.
It’s probably important that I take things slow even though I don’t want to. I value and cherish my marriage and want to continue my relationship with my spouse until the very end. Nonetheless, I’m ready (I think) to grow old as a woman or actually as a transgender person with feminine expressions.
im interested in meeting others and talking about this journey we are on.
Dani
Dani,
You are 6 years older than me chronologically but our stories are very similar. I practiced medicine and repressed much, having responsibilities to my wife, children, work, and home. I've been retired since around 2017. In the last few years I could no longer suppress my desire to be a woman without sacrificing happiness and being preoccupied with thoughts of being one. I am now five days away from my genital surgery, as long as nothing serves to cancel the surgery such as Covid.
Feel free to friend me if you wish. I may learn from you and you from me.🙂
JAKe
JAKe, I’d like to “friend” you and to communicate further. Amazing that this connection could be made so quickly!
I met with a (presumably) trans-friendly surgeon just recently. I wanted to schedule an orchiectomy asap. He said no for now, no for 6 months from now, and maybe no in a year. He is on the old SOC path of having me live as a woman for a year first because the surgery is “permanent.” I wanted to avoid taking spironolactone. So… I’ve just started on spiro last week. I have one other appointment with a surgeon and other recommendations for this. At the same time, it’s maybe better for me to go way slower than I might want because it’s important for me to maintain ( maybe improve?) my relationship with my spouse who I love, respect, and like living with.
You could email me directly at
Dani
Hi Dani.
I enjoyed reading your message because it so closely parallels mine. I'm 80 yo but mentally much younger. I'd been a nylon lingerie fetishist since my early teens. Soon after my marriage I made sure my wife was aware of my need to enjoy my lingerie at home. She accepted my panties and nightgowns, but didn't want to see me in any other items. This was especially the case, even after she lost all interest in sex.
Well, like you, I loved my wife very much and kept my needs and desires constrained so I didn't cause problems with or marriage. But after 57 years of marriage, she died 16 months ago. Almost immediately I felt a very strong need to express myself as a woman of the 1950/60 age when lingerie was still glamorous and fashionable.
As a 20+ year survivor of prostate cancer, I think the gradual change in my hormone balance over that time had something to do with my changing gender. Whatever caused it, I now feel free to be Bobbie, the woman I would like to be. I've always had the undress part of being that woman under control; I have worked on getting the outer image publicly acceptable. I lost 75 lbs, and have purchased clothes, shoes, wigs, cosmetics, jewelry, etc.
Dressed as Bobbie, I have been to a salon for a make over and for several haircuts and wig trims. I've shopped for women's clothes in stores and tried on my selections in the women's fitting rooms. I've dined and drank in restaurants and bars. On most of my adventures, I have been alone.
I feel extremely confident and comfortable as Bobbie. I hope some day to find the strength to tell my children. They would be surprised, but eventually supportive. For now, I am looking for a woman like us who is living near me. I've met and socialized with a woman I greatly enjoy, but she lives an hour away. Our get togethers have to be planned in advance; no chance for spur of the moment activities.
I would love to make the medical changes to make Bobbie complete, but my age and medical history work against me. I haven't seriously thought about SRS, but I am desperate for real breasts. Of course I own bras and various size inserts, but I have noticeable small breasts that are almost always in a soft nylon unstructured bra.
I'd enjoy a continuing dialogue with you in a private message.
Bobbie
First of all good luck on your Transition journey, Dani. Trying to balance our need/want to transition and concerns of a loving spouse is one of the hardest things to do. Some of us can be happy just being our fem self 50 to 90% of the time and some need to go 'all the way' with HRT and the surgeries, or anywhere in between.
For me I will likely be 'socially' transitioning soon, then MAYBE HRT down the line???? Right now presenting as Cassie and being accepted is nearly like heaven for me. I know I 'pass' most of the time, cause have had NO comments from co-workers or customers at my part time job at Torrid, since they only know me as Cassie.
. Cassie
Good luck in surgery hon
hugs, Jill
Jill,
I'm lying in my hospital bed after having my surgery yesterday.
The surgery, from my estimation, probably took four to five hours. Since I was put to sleep, I don't remember anything except taking deep breath from a mask before they started. For me, the night was miserable. I don't blame anyone for it, but I was required to stay in bed flat on my back. Pain was not severe but I felt dull pressure-like pain. I had a narcotic pump to help relieve the pain, but the positioning combined with the pressure made my night very long.
I don't get to change that position today except they want me to stand a few minutes, but only once today.
I guess I'm telling you this because for those who haven't had the bottom surgery yet, it's not a walk in the park.
I'm staying positive. I know I will get better soon.🙂
Hey, Cassie! Interesting that you say you may be "socially transitioning" soon, but also that you work as Cassie and are accepted as such. We may be using different definitions of "socially transitioning," girl, but I think you have already jumped, big-time, into the "socially transitioning" pond! But, that said, I am envious (a little bit) that you get to spend part of your working career as a woman.
