Hi, everyone,
What are your earliest memories of when you knew you were transgender or identified as anything other than your birth sex?
I ask because I have a child who will be 5 next month and displays signs other than a typical male boy. It may be normal behavior for a small child who is still trying to figure out basics, or it may be signs to pay attention to. After all, he still refers to males and she and females as he, like many toddlers and preschoolers do. And I don't count that, but other signs.
Sort of wondering if there is an age range I can say "OK, my child still says he is a she/etc, this is the path we are on unless they say otherwise." I am thinking give him a couple more years when he can understand a bit more. I know there are elementary children who know and their parents make age-appropriate choices with their child to accomodate. Elementary kids are very capable of knowing their true identity.
I think it is wonderful either way. I am simply curious. We have a VERY gender neutral house for both kids (daughter, 8) and they both are aware of what being transgender is. It very well could be the accepting environment, it could be nature, a combination. Whether my child is a he or she they are still the exact same. No "I wish to wear these clothes or have this style" and some drastic change in appearance or wanting to hide their true selves from parents, as he already wears exactly what he wants from dinosaur raincoats to pink heart pants, is growing his hair as long as Rupunzels, but hates ponytails, and currently wants to wear 2 piece bathing suits instead of trunks, and has said he wanted a vagina. I bought his sister a dress last week and he asked to have it - of course, when he fits into it in a few years! I hope his peers are accepting as we are headed in that direction as a society, but kids are also cruel.
And he may say he wants a male body and wear dresses and nail polish, or male body and wants to wear baggy shirts with trucks on it, or male body with a truck shirt and skirt, or vice versa in a female body. I just want to hear if anyone has similar stories or anything similar to contribute. Whatever is authentic to him (or her, them).
Thanks for listening, looking forward to responses!
Hello H D you are a very open Minded..Parent.. and both of your Children are very Lucky...
I was 6 or 7 when I started THING ..
Maybe I should have been born a Girl
Now... I am in my 30..
And I Sill think... My Life..would have been Much Better.. If I was BORN A GIRL... I SAY..IF.. YOUR SON SAID SHE IS A GIRL..
AT THE AGE OF 8 or 9...
Then SHE IS A GIRL.
That is only my opinion..
I am not a Doctor or Therapist.
Jessica 💕
I think what you are doing is great. I did not have that. I belonged to a generation where guys shut that down in a hurry and buried it far from conscious thought.
You are right about the cruelty of kids. It's almost like some of them ate just looking for a reason to bully someone. I was bullied in school for many years for being new (we moved a lot) or my name then (Simon). Saw one girl bullied for both being new and where she was from.
The cruelest were beneath despicable. They taunted and tormented a boy because his brother had just drowned in the lake. Just a few days after the funeral when he returned to school.
All of this is to say that dressing like a girl to school or referring to himself that way would probably open him up to just the same kind of people that I, or that girl or that boy had to suffer at the hands of.
Obviously I can't tell you what to do nor do I think it's my place anyway. As for me I don't think I'd allow it unless you had some way to protect him and realistically I don't think there is in a public or even private school.
Nevertheless I wish you well. I have said a prayer for you and him. Especially that you will receive the necessary wisdom for this.
Peace,
Abby
🤗❤️🙆♀️
“When” is an interesting question. My only answer is about age which is probably irrelevant in the context of your question!?!?
Age is perfect. How old were you when you knew? Were there signs before that you know about?
From high school on I thought I was gay. In my mid-40’s it occurred to me that I was bisexual as particular body parts were somewhat less important that the experience. I had my first experience with a man when I was 49. I underdressed and went out fully dressed for the first time at the age of 55 on Halloween 2003. I continued to underdress maybe half of the time, but didn’t go out again fully dressed until January 2014. December 2014 was when I started going to a monthly crossdresser/transgender social gathering and a twice a month support group. It didn’t actually occur to me that I was transgender until Springtime in 2015. I am now 73. I retired at the end of January 2016 and we relocated to the SoCal desert. Since then my social transition is essentially complete. The only thing left to do would be changing all of my legal documents but I choose not to invest the effort as it would be a lot of work. I am known here as DeeAnn. Very few know of Don. Currently I hold office in 5 organizations and am a member of 3 others. In all, DeeAnn is the person of record.
For me, once I came to the realization that I was transgender, it explained a lot of things about my life that had previously been question marks…
Thank you for your story! Super helpful!
Were there times as a child where you wanted to do something or wear something and was told it was for girls, and you link that to your transition?
I wonder if the time setting was different if you would realize at a younger age? Now that it is more talked about, socially acceptable.
I knew enough to be very secretive. While I was never caught, I am pretty certain that my mother and grandparents knew.
Kids rarely have any context for what they are feeling. All you know is what makes you feel good, and even if you are not caught, you pick up on what behaviors are acceptable and which are not. You have no idea as to why that is, but you know what the boundaries are.
For those of us who come to certain realizations in mid or later life, I think part of that may be that denial, suppression and stealth take effort and vigilance. If we ignore our feelings we have to distract ourselves to shift the focus. If we engage in stealthy activities, we have to expend a lot of effort to cover our tracks in order to keep our secrets. Both of these take a fair amount of effort to do. Later in life I think we may get tired of devoting the energy in order to keep things in place. Also, it isn’t uncommon that as time goes on, our suppressed desires may get stronger and just overcome our efforts to keep things in check.
Yes, while times may change things in general, it does come down to the people that surround you. That overrides what happens in society at large…
