So it has been a while since I have been here. I still have really bad days, however, I have been doing things to push myself more and more I have been able to go to the store as myself and stay shopping for almost an hour. I get a few looks here and there but I just tell myself they are jealous, well except this one lady I think she was staring at me because I did not see here and I was having a bit of a rant about leopard print and how I hated it on me (she was in full leopard print even her earrings but hey I didn't see her and I said when I tried on leopard print I looked like some strange cavewoman with liver problems, not that she did)
I still have problems feeling like I fit in anywhere with any group even here. I let it get in my head that if I am not very careful about how I act or what I say I will be told to get lost. Yes I know that is one of my many many problems and it is all on me going back to childhood. I am still trying to find a therapist and had very little luck two recommendations I received were way outside of my price range even with their sliding scale. I did go try and see one that turned out to be a real Helen, which was extremely disconcerting, and made me feel even worse about myself.
I tried going to a bar just to be around other people like me, we ended up sitting in the parking lot and I never worked up the courage to go in. But hey I have my coffee and I made chicken fried steak for dinner tonight so I guess everything is not bad, just still feeling lost
<p style="text-align: center;">Halie you are not alone, I too am learning to walk a new walk in my clothes of choice. Many, many small steps will get us there eventually, we have to just remind ourselves that if we are comfortable with ourselves, that others will be comfortable around us. I went out to an art festival for the first time dressed as Erika, with my understanding wife, I dressed in a tasteful sleeveless blouse and a pair of women's shorts. It was liberating. I got a few looks running into the men's room, but no comments were made. This first little step, wearing "womens" clothing that was borderline male/female gave me a huge moral and confidence booster, and I feel that if I am confident in how I feel, and how I present, then I draw less unwanted attention, and more acceptance from others. I'm sure that I may trip and stumble on occasion, but I'm ready to take another step, and another. I wish you Halie the confidence to keep taking those little steps and to be confident as the person you have always been, and to introduce her to the world!</p>
Halie:
It is important to remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. It takes time getting comfortable with doing something that has been 180 degrees out of phase with what has gone before. Every few trips go for a bit longer time or to a different place or add another errand. The point is that it is a way to expand your horizons. I suspect that many folks will have problems with big jumps, and that is understandable. Therefore the progress is done in smaller, yet still meaningful, steps. The thing is, it took 40 years to get this far so the changes that you are contemplating will not be overnight...
By the way, speaking of coffee, this arrived today:
https://www.deathwishcoffee.com/products/medium-roast
Laissez les bons temps rouler!?!?
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Ms. DeeAnn you and I drink the same coffee 😀 I do hope you grind your own 😉 I highly recommend https://www.deathwishcoffee.com/products/valhalla-java-odin-force-blend
Erika, thank you, it sounds like you had a great time. Well except for the public restroom part I just can't I've seen too many that I don't think a hazmat suit would save you if you walked in.
Interesting what we learn about people!
We had a friend over for coffee this morning. She drinks decaf and I made a pot of Peet's French Roast decaf for her and my first pot of the Medium Roast Death Wish for me. We'll see how the 2x caffeine thing works out, but I liked the flavor.
Yes, I do grind my own beans. I usually have 7 or 8 varieties on hand make what appeals to me at any given time. Many years ago I bought a vintage 6 cup clear Pyrex stove top percolator. Later I completed the set with a 4 cup and a 9 cup. After a while I migrated to a Bodum French Press. Eventually I migrated to a Chemex pot for pour over. However, 1 year or so ago I found a vintage clear Pyrex (but sold by Silex) siphon coffee maker. What I found is that each time I moved to a different method, the consistency of the process improved and the siphon method seems to be very consistent. In other words, you have to work to mess up as there is very little subjectivity and judgement to the process. Here I shop at Ralph's, which is part of Kroger's. Ralph's sells Death Wish for $1 more than from the roastery with no tax and free shipping. I'm happy to buy directly as perhaps Death Wish makes a bit more money compared to selling wholesale...
Oh, I have been dying to find a Syphon coffee maker that I can afford. Walmart started carrying Deth Wish but it is only ground so I just order online. I also use Katz Coffee Azteca Chocolate Coffee as well as their Texas Blend both of which I get from Central Market (If you ever find yourself in Texas then you really should check it out) which is an H-E-B owned store so you don't have them in the state of Yankee hippies (everyone from outside of Texas is called a Yankee by Texans). I do also highly recommend SF Bay Coffee's Bakery Blend. I will have to check Kroger next time I am close to it and see what they have now it's been years since I have been to one, and I just got some new leggings so sounds like a trip is in order this evening.
Coffee is life, Coffee is great, Coffee Coffee Coffee I make more Coffee, Give Princess Halie her Coffee and the day will be GREAT Oh that is my making coffee song 😀 it makes my wife crack up every time so thought I would share.
As I remember I found the Siphon pot on one of the resale sites (ETSY, Ruby Lane, can't remember) and it was in the $60-$70 range. It was all intact and undamaged with the original box (in sort of sad shape) and extra filters. If you ever get one, be careful when washing it as it is very easy to bump it on the sink. Glass doesn't like that!
Regarding Texas, I worked for what was Libbey Owens Ford Co. (now Pilkington NA). We built a plant in Sherman and I spent some time there in the late 70s - early 80s. The most recent time was in February of 2016 after I retired. I drove from New York State to California and made it a point to stop in Midland to visit the Permian Basin Petroleum Museum. I've been a motorsports fan since I was a child, so I had to see where all of Jim Hall's Chaparral race cars are housed. I docent asked me if I wanted to see the workshop in the back where some repairs were being done on one of the cars. I couldn't say YES fast enough!?!?
We all have our priorities!?!?
