All:
When I respond to messages from new members, I often suggest a search for activities in the local trans community. The reason for this is that isolation is often a powerful negative force in our community. Anyway, I'm curious as to how many here have done this. I will certainly continue to make this point as I think it is an important thing to do, but I would like to know what the members are doing (or not doing!).
Please explain your thinking concerning the question, and if you have made contact with the community in your area, how did it go?
My connection with my local trans community has been bitter-sweet.
I have met champions and crusaders for trans rights, but I've also witnessed the some friends spiral into a world of drug addiction and prostitution.
As a group, we feel safe whenever we get together for coffee and/or any advocacy work. But once on our own, the world can be quite indifferent and sometimes hostile.
I haven't yet personally experienced any hostility towards myself when on the street like others have. I suppose it's because I've never had the need to access any services, like homeless shelters or mental health services. I'm comfortably fine. Lucky me.
What I have learned is that the greatest gift we have is each other! Our network may be small and spread out, but it is strong and growing. Even our local town council advocates for trans rights and our local politicians even meet us for coffee!
Best of all, our Trans and LGBT youth have mobilized in ways I could never have imagined when I was their age. They're smart, engaged and incredibly supportive and helpful.
My world is in good shape and is getting better all the time! Best of all, I've made amazing friends for life!
Happy New Year All!
:Barb
Barb:
You pointed out something that is very true for trans people. Our experiences are all over the map. Some of us have good experiences. Some of us have terrible experiences and all points in between. I think many in the general populace think that they know about trans people and our situations, but at best, all they know is no more than a limited subset.
You also touched on another salient point. There is strength in numbers. As we are relatively small in numbers, it is very important to build alliances and coalitions. Politics is a numbers game. The more groups that we can get to join with our voices, the better.
Thanks for presenting your perspective! I look forward to hearing about the experiences of others.
One other thing...
Being invited into other folx's homes and really listening to their stories does wonders for one's own transition. There's nothing like a real hug offering support, acceptance and love, no matter where anyone is on the LGBTQA+ spectrum!! It's also done wonders for my spouse's acceptance and love for me too, no matter what I wear!
Funny... most trans women I know personally don't even dress "girly" at all! In fact, when I recently went to an LGBT event with many trans women (and trans men), I was the only one in a dress and nylons. Everyone else was in jeans, although many had nylons underneath. Out of 11 trans women, only two met any "passing" standards (not including me, but my friends say otherwise! God Bless Them All. LOL!!).
:B
Hi:
When we tell our stories or hear others tell theirs, powerful things happen. The validation works in both directions. It is a Win/Win! Hard to beat that.
The thing is that isolation leads us to some funky places. It can lead us to think the we are alone and that no one else has anything close to our issues. It feels like we have no support and will never have. This is a terrible place to be and it is very easy for despair and hopelessness to work their way into our consciousness.
My connections with the trans community have been mostly positive. The vast majority of my experiences have been social. I've made a lot of friends in the last few years. I've bonded with a few girls....they've truly been sisters to me. It's safe to say we'll be lifelong friends.
I don't have a need for social services. But I did attend a couple of group sessions early on at The Center in San Diego. I felt out of place and stopped going.
In general I feel safe being out in public. Never had any problems at least. Of course some places are safer than others. Common sense obviously plays a big part.
I agree there is strength in numbers. And that is maybe the one area where my experience has been less positive. We unfortunately lack a cohesive image and message. Some of our members choose to exclude others because of perceived "impurities". Some openly flaunt hedonistic lifestyles with no regard for the bridges others are trying to build. I could go on. Suffice to say some of us are hurting our cause. Considering what's happening politically in some places, it's the last thing we need.
/EA
Hi DeeAnn, This is an interesting question. First I'll list all the places that I bond or contact with like minded people. I'm a member of Interact, Madison Area Transgender Association, My Local PFLAG Group, The River City Gems, CDH and TGH. I also volunteer for Pride and PrideFest and have attended Martha's First Thursday Party, Las Vegas, Wildside and BeAll. Now some of these places or events just start out as social or online but as a result of meeting these people, greater friendships and sharing have occurred. I also see it as a way for me to learn and to also share what I have learned. I don't really worry about where people are on the spectrum since I see us all as growing into our true selves. I've met all ages and situations in these groups and really enjoy them. Marg
<p class="p1"></p>
When I post a message with a poll, I tend to not discuss my situation for a while. My worry is that it may steer the conversation in one direction or another. So, I will discuss my experiences now.
I retired at the end of January 2016 and relocated to Southern California a week later. By midyear I joined the Transgender Community Coalition (TCC) and became a board member in January of 2017. Somewhere in the later part of 2016 I also joined the steering Committee of the local Human Rights Campaign group. I held both offices for a bit over 2 years. I resigned from both by the middle of 2018.
In the 2+ years with TCC, I met a number of trans men and women. Some were doing well while others were sleeping in their cars and others still were considerably underemployed. In 2017 TCC finally had the wherewithal to establish a physical office. I did mostly back end stuff, such as setting up MS Office, creating E-mail accounts and researching, choosing and implementing secure storage. I didn't really get involved with the hair removal or helping folks to navigate health care or looking for employment as that wasn't my expertise. However, when the CEO had to be away, I was the "adult in the room". Many of our volunteers were 20-somethings, so my function was to provide stability and keep things from rolling off the table. This 2+ years represented a major change for me in terms of being immersed in the community. In that time, I was a part of various fundraising teams and also helped to plan the TDoR Vigils. I eventually resigned as i could no longer put up with the CEO's BS.
This was valuable time for me as it significantly added to my knowledge of what was happening within the community. I learned how difficult it was for trans people to get hired, in spite of often being over-qualified. I was surprised, but I guess I should not have been, that this often held true for lesbian and gay organizations and lesbian and gay owned businesses. I think part of the problem is that our reputation precedes us in terms of being flaky, unreliable and back-stabbing. Before the pandemic, trans unemployment was about 4x higher that the general population. I don't know what it is now, but it probably hasn't changed much. While I knew things were difficult for trans people in general, I really didn't understand how bad things were. It was an education that I would not have gotten otherwise.
In retrospect, another thing was that I think that I never really connected with most of the community, and they to me, was that our experiences were vastly different. I had a career that spanned 43 years with onlt 2 companies. From college there was never a time when I was not employed. While my coming out was very public, the way things worked out, I retired 4 months later. From a transgender perspective, I never experienced harassment, workplace discrimination, domestic violence or had my kids taken away. Since I retired at 67, I was at a much different stage of life compared to the majority of people in the community.
In more recent times, I am not directly involved in the community, save for my involvement here. However, a funny thing happened. When word got around that I was no longer part of either group I mentioned above, there were offers to join a board here and a steering committee there. While it was flattering, I realized something. I was being given an opportunity to represent my community. I doubt if this was in the thinking of those who asked, but little did they know that visibility is an important thing to me. Anyway, I hope that I can provide a good data point as opposed to the stereotypical ones that are so prevalent.
Currently I hold office in my car club, a political organization, a civic commission and 2 non-profits. I am also a member of 3 other organizations where I do not hold office.
Going from memory, well over half of the US population knows at least one gay person. I believe the corresponding statistic for trans people is less than 1/3. To me, this is where visibility can really make a difference.
