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Getting Connected With The Trans Community...

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Posts: 185
(@Anonymous 2388)
Estimable Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Just had this very discussion the other day around the kitchen table. The Trans community, what a double edged sword. For my own involvement I have been part of the community on several occasions. Back in the late nineties to early two thousands, moved on from it, back again from 2008-2012, left again, then back in 2016-2019 then left again.  Now my contact was face to face group meetings, girls night and day hang outs, and the vast online places. I have chatted it up with just about every archetype on the spectrum, and cried with them too. I have seen new faces come and go actually this happens more often then not.

The trans community is a great  place to meet like minded friends, feel supported, get information, etc etc. It is also a place where misery love company.

Long ago when I went by Lori, I hung out with a nice group of gurls from the TGEA, most were older and looking for support as this type of thing (online support) did not exist and shame/fear was a huge component to being Trans. I had a second mother of sorts who I looked up to, she was a full transitioned MtF, nicest as could be. She took care of me like a daughter, in fact she did this with several of us or our girls click of sorts. We were the girls get together group and TGEA after party buddies, went and painted the town red as they say.  Fun, fun, fun.  I was young and was just there for the ride, so did not get into the heavy emotional side of things much back then. However one by one the click started to fall apart, they moved or lost interest, etc. So did I actually, as I moved in to one of my life long dreams of being a parent, oh the longing of wanting to be a mom, and the sacrifices we do.

The next time around I was in a different place. I had finally accepted the fact I was not just a CD but a TS (sry for the use of old terms), of course this time I was looking for emotional support. But as the saying goes girls will be girls and I painted the town red again.  Actually being older and more confidant in who I was it was far more wild then before.  We skipped the mall shopping trips, trips to the salon, and hit the club scene like girls gone wild. I am a sucker for costumes and dressing up and had more cash then before so… any way this time around I started to really talk to the girls I was hanging with not just chit chat about this and that. You know each and everyone of us, me included had a whole host of emotional baggage. We were all trying our dammedist to escape from it, but it always caught up, and endless tears flowed. Online line was no help either, yes this time I found or founded an online community of sorts, unfortunately the support from online was mostly information sites and no human feed back. The real place to meet people was dating sites, I was one of those unique girls who used the sites for finding like minded friends. Of course this lead to some awkward situations where half… well more then half of my buddies wanted to jump my bones. Never happened however as I am crazy and a huge flirt but one of those kinds of girls who never puts out.  I did enjoy the attention of course, who wouldn’t it made me feel special. To this day I still get old friends and such pop up from time to time and want to rekindled something. Back to the tears, here is where things were dark. I can remember many a nights after the party sitting on the hotel bed talking to my friends and crying into our pillows. Until you have plumed the depths of yours and others souls you can never really know how beautiful life really is.

The last time I was part of the community it was more of an online thing and self discovery of sorts.  Of course I went out a bit but I was more looking to help my sisters really understand what, who, the emotional side of this whole madness really is. I had to plumb my own pain to do this of course and went into a depression that lasted a year and a day. As some of you can attest too people never noticed as they were self absorbed, rightly so, or they were in a different place or time of transition. Too many I was thought of as an angle or infallibly good person, but only one who has been there can truly understand. Do not ask me about how much a set of boobs cost, or how to change your birth certificate, I have no clue, but you know that tear in the corner of your I have a tissue.

Each and every time in and out of the community I have grown, but with each and every time I was broken, the trans community does not come without its price. I am not saying stay away, but enter with your eyes open and your heart ready.

“Behind every strong confident woman lays a broken little girl who got back up.”

 

 

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Posts: 82
 Barb
Member
(@barbwire)
Trusted Member     Canada, Ontario
Joined: 3 years ago

Well... you've certainly raised my eyebrows, Ms Stockings!! And your right, we "older" gals do yearn for those back-seamed days.

At our LGBTQ+ coffee social the other week, we had about 14 show up of all ages. There wasn't much differentiation in fashion styles with the younger generation, all sporting colourful images of skin-art, body piercings, short hair, and tight jeans. And, I found it interesting that the young ones seemed to prefer the term "non-binary" as a gender-identity as opposed to saying they're a "trans man" or "trans woman".

"Times they are a changin'!"

And I think for the better too! The younger generation has a bright optimism I haven't experienced in quite a while and it certainly rubbing off on me. They just need the older lawmakers to stop telling them what they ought to be and move on...

(Oh! one more thing: I'm currently wearing my white stockings and red high heel fluffy slippers!)

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Posts: 1840
Ambassador
Topic starter
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

Thank You for sharing your story! One of the points that it made for me is how we need different things at different times in our lives. It isn’t a constant. It evolves because we as people evolve.

Another thing that came through is a need that we often have to try to create this younger version of ourselves due to what we missed. I have no idea of exactly how this worked out for you, but I think it drives what we sometimes see as inappropriate dress (at least somewhat) among trans women. Note that I am not absolving myself in this regard as the vast majority of my skirts, skorts and shorts are well above the knee at the age of 74. To paraphrase Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shit.

As I’ve said before, we Hu-Mans are social creatures and that sociability has many different functions. I think one of the most important things is to be seen as we want to be seen and have that reflected back to us. Gender identity is a mental construct, so it stands to reason that we desire to have our social lives align with that.

I think that eventually the desire for hyperfemininity does dissipate quite a bit; perhaps because it isn’t really sustainable. As time goes on we settle into our more mature selves and Life continues.

One final point to be made is how the community relates to our progress. At various times in your life, you reconnected with the community, or at least a subset of it. The important thing is that when you needed to come back, the community was still there. Our needs are not constant. They come and go, but like a river, the community remains.

Be Well and Continued Progress!

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Posts: 38
Member
(@amylove2dress)
Trusted Member     Canada, Ontario, Brantford
Joined: 2 years ago

Dare I add here? Somehow in less then 6 years I've gone from nearly no one knowing this secret, to a whole host of people who now know me as Amy. By a "Host", I mean it must be 100's.

Through a contact on CDH I was introduced to a local CD and MtF trans social and peer support group, they were fabulous, gave me so much support and many have since become good friends. Then last year I was elected President of the same group with a membership that currently stands at 245. Though many of that number are not at all active.

This is actually personally very rewarding, helping others who simply want a friend and companionship.

Amy

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Posts: 1840
Ambassador
Topic starter
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

I think 2 things have happened. You have surrounded yourself with community and, at the same time, extended the idea to others who also need that social network. Sounds like a Win/Win to me!

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Posts: 38
Member
(@amylove2dress)
Trusted Member     Canada, Ontario, Brantford
Joined: 2 years ago

Thank you DeeAnn! Somehow I had all this bottled up inside of me for so long and in a way I never realized!

Which is why I'm here now.

Amy

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Posts: 1840
Ambassador
Topic starter
(@flatlander48)
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 5 years ago

There’s something interesting about how Hu-Mans (as the Ferengi would say!) function. Sometimes a door opens and we see something of value or attraction on the other side that we had never realized before. Sometimes it is powerful enough to make us walk through that open door. Had that open door not happened, who knows when (or if) the right circumstances would ever come again.

For some of us, we do progress from crossdressing to realizing that we are, in fact, transgender. While I have not seen any numbers, anecdotally it appears not to be a large percentage. It seems that many are content with their status of being a crossdresser and do not wish to go further.

However, regardless of our status, the social aspect of being among our peers will always be significant. It’s just how we are as Hu-Mans…

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