Being an out trans woman since about April of this year, I've been relatively fortunate in not experiencing a great deal of verbal hatred in public spaces. Today at Middlesbrough rail station, I was subjected to some fairly nasty abuse from a couple of cis young men who were clearly full of detestation for anyone they saw as different from them. I told them they were bigots, which was all I had time to say before boarding my train.
Others here have probably experienced this and worse. How do you respond, if at all? How do you cope with the unpleasant feelings such hatred creates?
Airlane, frankly, and thankfully, this has only happened once or twice. But I suspect it could happen more often if the people thinking it, either actually cared to say it, or were kind enough not to, or afraid of what might happen to them if they did. So, to a certain degree, it can cut both ways. But my stance has always been to ignore it, so as not to feed it by giving them an excuse to continue. Just look straight ahead and go about your business. If it gets too uncomfortable, then try to extricate yourself from the location. And, regardless of who you are, I have always looked for places that would afford some degree of safety if something bad were to happen. Heck, you are taught not to walk down the middle of the road to stay safe; and this is not much different. Hugs, Michelle
I’m definitely not the best person to give advice on this but I have experienced threats, verbal assault, and physical violence for my sexuality and gender identity. I have also suffered long term chronic abuse and have PTSD from all of it. That being said I about die from panic attacks trying to leave the house (I manage tho and am working with a therapist.) I keep multiple “tools of defense” on me just for my own peace of mind and leave some intentionally visible to deter comments and harassment. Being able to defend myself eases my mind and then I keep a great set of headphones that allow me to hear ambient sound and turn up the music then the comments don’t really matter I focus on my music and give them a show.
it’s getting better working with the therapist and I’m building a lot of confidence.
Airlane:
Many years ago, Kenny Rogers sang a song called The Gambler. It contained the lines:
You got to know when to hold 'em,
Know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.
This is good advice for a number of situations. It is always important for us to understand the situation.
- Who is Friend or Foe?
- Are the numbers in your favor if bad hinges happen?
Anyway, these are some of the things that should go into the decision that will determine what you do. Beyond this, there is the says:
Discretion is the better part of Valor…
As an avid cyclist I was told to never flip off or any other negative engagement with anyone driving a car. For starters, they’re in a car and can crush you. But the real reason is that if enough cyclists did that, eventually the driver might actually take out some other cyclist.
Just remember, Ghandi defeated the English with peaceful protest.
Besides, they’re weak idiots. They will never have the strength it takes live the life you do. They can’t even recognize real strength when it walks in front of them. Their opinion is less than worthless.
