Good Day Ladies
I believe that I am a woman and a lesbian; and play the female role with my SO. However, I have become increasing curious about having it with a male. Recently I have even wondered about male intimacy. It both scares and surprises me! Did you have similar experiences as your surgery is approaching and after completing the transition?
I love my SO who is a biological woman. She is supportive to my transition and looks forward to continue living together as two women, and raising our baby girl together. When I shared with her my anxiety, she even suggested that we should think of an alternative. But I am still anxious that it may change me permanently. Did you change your sexual preference after male intimacy? If you were like me (a lesbian), how long did it take to resume your lesbian lifestyle if ever or you never did? I know that sex is only a part of our life, and yet, I am anxious how my curiosity may affect my relationship with her after my operation. Is there a way to take away the curiosity?
@alice so as the old saying goes "results may vary".
All I can do is share my experience. Being a clinician I was very aware of how the various procedures were carried out however we were very limited in our options here in Australia and even more so now with only one surgeon who has quite a few V&L's under his belt still practising. I personally would never go to him and luckily due to my connection found an alternative which I was very happy with. He too has closed up shop now.
I had the procedure coming up for three years ago. Dont be fooled into thinking it's pretty straight forward as it is probably the most intensive operation a woman can have. It's uncomfortable to the extreme, painful at times and there is a high percentage of possible complications hopefully like me, these won't be major.
My wife of 25years had stated prior she wasn't a lesbian and since my transition we slept apart. I had, when pretending to be a man, always been super straight.
After I healed and in fact for most of my transistion to that point I had been attracted to other transwomen. At about six months postop I want to know what it was like to be with a man, not that I was sexually attracted to men but none the less very curious. So I had two boyfriends and lost my viginity for the second time. It was interesting and enjoyable however there just wasn't a spark, something was not quite right (to be continued).....
A couple of things to correct:
It isn’t “Sexual Preference”. That implies that you “prefer X, but Y is OK”. The correct term is “Sexual Orientation”.
In general, LGBTQ folks bristle at the term of “lifestyle” as the suggestion is that how LGBTQ people live is something less than how other people live.
Also, remember that we ARE. We do not Become.
When I found out I was trans, I thought maybe I wasn't attracted to anyone. As I have become more comfortable with my body and confident in my identity, I too was confronted with sexuality. I thought I was just attracted to women at first, but I consider myself bisexual these days.
I married a cis-woman back in 2005, and we split in 2010 because she found out that her sexuality wasn't as fluid as she hoped. By that time I was taking my first steps at social transition, and I discovered I was attracted to men, and had a crush on a guy for several months, though he was more flirtatious than he was interested in a relationship.
I got married to another cis-woman in 2017 well after my social transition, and has been very supportive of my transition.
After starting progesterone my attraction to men sharpened, which I didn't expect, but I am still happily married and committed to my wife. I will say when I decided to have surgery, I had to think about what I wanted independent of her, and what I could live with if something ever happens with our relationship. What would future relationships look like and could being with a man be a part of that as well. I am glad you have been open with your spouse about your feelings, as I have been with mine. As my surgery date approaches, I have no plans on any extramarital intimacy, but I do understand that anxiety and the what ifs.
Surgery is a permanent change, and from what I understand it is emotionally earth shattering as well. I am scheduled this month for mine. I can't speak towards recover time yet, but soon will be in the middle of that.
Good luck
@alice Thank you.
Two months post Op now. To answer questions I wasn't able to before. Yes dilation is uncomfortable and I had complications from it. It takes a while to learn how to relax muscles. It also aches while skin stretches and muscles adjust. I cramped a lot after the first month. I also tore quite a bit before I got to the diameter the surgeon wanted. They will be able to give you tips and treatments post op appts to make the pain manageable. It is a chore though. Several times a day for months.
At 2 months I am finally able to cook and do laundry and mow the lawn consistently. The pain now is mostly after I have sat or stood too long and my donut cushion is my best friend.
There are limitations on sexual activity. At first you are too sore and battered to even want to. You shouldn't expect to have any stimulation for the first couple months. I am currently advised against penetrative sex while I continue to heal. Still figuring out how it all works in the new configuration and with so many nerves severed, but everything I hated about sex before is gone.
I first started going out dressed regularly at the end of 2014. Across 2015 I attended social and support groups leading up to my public coming out October 10, 2015. I retired at the end of January 2016 and we moved to the SoCal desert. Since then I present as DeeAnn at least 95% of the time. I am not planning any medically related affirmation interventions, but my social transition is essentially complete. While I was closely involved with the trans community for the first 3 years or so after we relocated, these days I am involved with a broader range of civic and LGBT-related advocacy groups.
What I’ve seen over the last 10 years or so is that I have not found any information about a reliable way to predict if relationships will change, not change, be dissolved or renegotiated. The truth of it is that I have observed just about every variation of relationships. Clearly it is a source of concern for many and there are no simple answers or predictions covering emotional and sexual relationships.
