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How will gender reassignment operation affect our relationship with our Significant Others?

Posts: 3
Topic starter
Active Member     Canada, Ontario
Joined: 6 years ago

Good Day Ladies

Would you please kindly share your experience.
I am getting very anxious and uneasy as the date ofย  my surgery to complete my journey to become a transwoman is getting closer.ย ย 
I look forward to going through my transition.ย  I have been waiting for it since I was a teenager.ย  ย But, there are issues that have been bothering me and causing my anxiety.
I am aware that after the surgery, I have to keep my new body part dilated.ย  Was it hurtful before the wound is fully healed?ย  How can I reduce the pain?ย  Was it uncomfortable to have the dilator in there even after the wound has healed up?ย  I am aware that there are many variables that affect the expedience of recovery.ย  How long did it take you to "recover"?

I believe that I am a woman and a lesbian; and play the female role with my SO.ย  However, I have become increasing curious about having it with a male.ย  Recently I have even wondered about male intimacy.ย  It both scares and surprises me! ย Did you have similar experiences as your surgery is approaching and after completing the transition?ย ย 

I love my SO who is a biological woman.ย  She is supportive to my transition and looks forward to continue living together as two women, and raising our baby girl together.ย  When I shared with her my anxiety, she even suggested that we should think of an alternative.ย  But I am still anxious that it may change me permanently.ย  Did you change your sexual preference after male intimacy?ย  If you were like me (a lesbian), how long did it take to resume your lesbian lifestyle if ever or you never did?ย  I know that sex is only a part of our life, and yet, I am anxious how my curiosity may affect my relationship with her after my operation.ย  Is there a way to take away the curiosity?

Many thanks.
2 Replies
Posts: 1761
Noble Member     United States of America, California, Cathedral City
Joined: 4 years ago

A couple of things to correct:

It isnโ€™t โ€œSexual Preferenceโ€. That implies that you โ€œprefer X, but Y is OKโ€. The correct term is โ€œSexual Orientationโ€.

In general, LGBTQ folks bristle at the term of โ€œlifestyleโ€ as the suggestion is that how LGBTQ people live is something less than how other people live.

Also, remember that we ARE. We do not Become.ย 

Posts: 14
Eminent Member     United States of America, Utah, Midvale
Joined: 3 years ago

When I found out I was trans, I thought maybe I wasn't attracted to anyone.ย  As I have become more comfortable with my body and confident in my identity, I too was confronted with sexuality. I thought I was just attracted to women at first, but I consider myself bisexual these days.

I married a cis-woman back in 2005, and we split in 2010 because she found out that her sexuality wasn't as fluid as she hoped.ย  By that time I was taking my first steps at social transition, and I discovered I was attracted to men, and had a crush on a guy for several months, though he was more flirtatious than he was interested in a relationship.

I got married to another cis-woman in 2017 well after my social transition, and has been very supportive of my transition.

After starting progesterone my attraction to men sharpened, which I didn't expect, but I am still happily married and committed to my wife.ย  I will say when I decided to have surgery, I had to think about what I wanted independent of her, and what I could live with if something ever happens with our relationship.ย  What would future relationships look like and could being with a man be a part of that as well.ย  I am glad you have been open with your spouse about your feelings, as I have been with mine.ย  As my surgery date approaches, I have no plans on any extramarital intimacy, but I do understand that anxiety and the what ifs.

Surgery is a permanent change, and from what I understand it is emotionally earth shattering as well.ย  I am scheduled this month for mine.ย  I can't speak towards recover time yet, but soon will be in the middle of that.

Good luck


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