Lili Elbe

Deanna, I'm a little confused, are you a trans or cis woman? From your perspectives it's clear you could use some help in understanding trans folx. The condition assigned some trans folx is actually not called "gender dysmorphia" but is gender dysphoria. Here's a link:

Gender dysphoria - NHS

Deanna,

You were asking for some reasons why some trans folx would transition. Not all trans folx do transition nor need to. I can give you my perspective in a few different ways. If you click on my name here, it'll show you my articles. I wrote many you may find some answers in, but one in particular, is called "The Way of my Transitions". Generally, I transitioned because living as the man the world thought I was was an awful, restrictive, demeaning, and contemptible existence for me. I was often chided by cis men for being too caring, too bouncy in my walk, and they misinterpreted my desire to hang out with other women as me trying to take those women away from them sexually and romantically when it was actually just me being me and chatting with other women. Also I transitioned for the clothes, for my proper body parts, and for the hair. I love my hair long and femme styled! While I could see how some may not gain from transitioning, for me it's made me happier and feeling much more myself. I never found my "male" genitals gross, but the way my mind interprets my sexuality having "female" genitals just makes sense. Of course, I've always longed to have a man's gentalia inside of me hopefully without it tearing me apart and hurting. Does that make sense? I enjoyed The Danish Girl. I do differ with your opinion on Lili's "sex change" and the concept overall. A trans person is born that way. It's an innate human condition. The person may or may not know it, depending on the level of repression in their culture, but it's innate. Lili was always Lili on the inside and she risked everything to be herself. It was an amazing movie tarnished only by the fact that a cis man played her. That was a shame! If you like to watch movies about this give the University of Minnesota's Transgender Oral History Project a try. There you'll be able to listen to over 200 Trans folx tell their stories. The interviews are usually about an hour each and are very insightful.

https://trettertransoralhistory.umn.edu

Well...  I decided to watch The Danish Girl as suggested.  Very good movie BTW, showing the emotional side of transition for a MtF. Most of us have spent a long time trying to understand our selfs, so it is easy to relate to Lili and her gender dysphoria, many times have I felt like her, cried like her.  However the parts of the movie that struck me the most were actually of Gerda her spouse, very rare the emotional impact of those sounding the transition process are explored, the movie would have flopped without this aspect. And parts where Lili is exploring herself, I could not help think, “That selfish Bitch!”  “Where did all her love go???” But then in perspective I understand she is just exploring self just as I have done. Her wife was super supportive, and there is zero chance Lili would have made it so far with out her, most likely locked up in a nut house by the phobia of the times.

What to take away from the movie?  What did I take away from it?  Sure it was a tear jerker and I cried, but I knew that would  happen. Sure I knew what Gerda would go through and I am glad they got it mostly right. I also know all Doctors are quacks, every single one of them in the movie would have hurt Lili beyond recognition in one way or another. However I believe someday I will think back to this movie and the life of Lili, and I will be able to use some of her emotional strength by the idea that she existed, and did the impossible, and that I can do it too.

Thank you Deanna, thank you for turning me toward this movie.

Miriya

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Hi Deanna Thank you for your post. I find it to be interesting but very provoking. I agree with Dasia .Never has the word dysmorphia been brought up or even considered in my case. If it was, it was dismissed. Dysphoria is the diagnosis. My crossdressing started back as far as i can remember. It was not just passing it stayed with me almost every day of my life. My satisfaction would come on the form of a image and a feeling of acceptance if i could get that just fot a moment I was satified for that moment. More than satified euphoric in some cases. I found out i could eleviate some of my dysphoria by masterbation. but only temporarily may be two hours. The thought or image i recieved when i dressed as a girl excited me. Similar to when i saw i cute woman. I not only was atttacted to those woman physcally but emotionally. I wanted what they had that attracted me. It could be as simple as a hand gesture or a walk , the outfit. I understood how they felt when wearing a cute outfit. Not just the outfit the make up, the hair, the smell every thing they put in to give that image they wanted for that day. I was attracted to it and wanted it for myself. I was envious. I would try to recreate that image if i could. I wanted the feeling also. I knew the feeling i would get from being considered a cute, feminate female.. Its a wounderful feeling very exciting. If you ever saw the image of a pretty female running through a high grassed field with her hands over head holding a pretty piece of soft clothing that she has just removed . She is feeling free, excited and happy She loves herself and loves the feeling of being a woman. Thats the feeling i want. If i have to physically change my body i will do it. A simple example would be if i saw a woman with painted toe nails and sandals and I could recreate that image on my body i would get excited and be happy my anxiety would pass temporarily. I have arrived at a time in my life i do not want temporary relief anymore. I just want to be happy all the time when i look in the mirror. I know i can be beautiful, cute and pretty. It is just going to take work. I did not get the basic body to start. So it is going to take a lot of work, time and money. My frustration is i am running out of time. I have enough money just to survive. Just when you think you have it. There is another hurdle to overcome. Thank you again for your post and your time. Luv Stephanie

Deanna, I've noted that there are a myriad way in which people deal with this gender variance thing we are talking about.  You may have confused body dysmorphia with gender dysphoria in the terminology you chose.  Both do happen in our community, but the film was about Dysphoria IMO.

I can tell you that knowing Lili's eventual outcome and the medical advances made since then had me prepared to deal with the film more objectively on the rest of her story.  I found myself smiling and enjoying most of it and certainly identifying with the obvious dysphoria that was compelling her to seek the treatments she did.  It was like a mirror to me and helped me realize I can achieve what I need and with todays technology enjoy a life as my true self.  To be certain I was definitely on an emotional roller coaster as I watched it and even that in itself is something I relish now, but mostly I felt like a butterfly gaining wind beneath my wings.  Now I watch it when my lifes headwinds try to hold me down.

Hmmm... looks like I skipped the dysphoria issue all together in my post.  From reading your review of the movie Deanna, I can see some of your possible confusion. Dysphoria of course is defined as: A state of feeling uneasy, unhappy, or unwell.  Attach gender, body, grief, etc to the term and you apply dysphoria to the term.

So what does it mean? The real question is where does dysphoria come from?  If you really want to understand dysphoria this question that must be explored.  The fact of Lili cross dressing was not the cause of her dysphoria, only a trigger or reinforcement or stair step if you will.  She was actually dysphoric way back when she kissed a boy but very little.  Then as life went on the steps added up more and more till it became overwhelmingly huge. But the root is still not that she kissed a boy or even wore an feminine aprin. Could the root be genetic? Environmental? Spiritual? I personally think for any transgender person any of these or combinations of them could be the root/s.  No matter what of course the root is, dysphoria is similar to an addiction, growing and getting more potent over time as each stair is taken.  The effect or strength of each step depends on the individual, and in some it never effects then at all.

The solution to dysphoria is elusive, some having what they want solves this problem, some it does not, just look at the barbie girl or ken guy or is that they did not know what they wanted? Some people can drink dysphoria away, I know a lot of PTSD folk who do this, basically ignore it and kill the thoughts with other substance, I personally think many crossdressers use dressing in this fashion as a way to coop with dysphoria.  However if the root is not treated the dysphoria will continue.  For a lot of transgender people the way to treat the root is gender reassignment.

Just my non medical opinion.

Miriya

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Thank you all for your responses! I am not a cis woman. I am a cis man born in March of 1955 and baptised in June of 1955 in Salem Mass at a church a block from the witch house. I include this for no particular reason other than it strikes me as odd as we lived 200 miles away.

I was born with a lot of hair which my mother allowed to grow out so by the time I was 2 strangers often told me/my mother that I was a pretty little girl. Shortly after I turned 2 my mother cut my hair evidently due to the gender confusion though that part of the story is murky. I do know that my grandmother was furious that my curls had been cut off. As I am writing this I am also connecting things I have connected before. When I was 10-12, my grandmother encouraged me to "dressup" in her old clothes. I enjoyed doing that very much. In my 20's I experimented a bit with crossdressing, taking a girls bathing suit, pinning it to a t-shirt which I put on. (The bathing suit was too small for me). Then I would look in a mirror and say, "I'm a pretty little girl!" Was that a memory from my toddler and dressup days? I think so as I didn't then and don't now want to be physically a girl though girl is much more fun to say than boy and FeMale contains iron while Male does not.

I do not consider myself trans but a crossdresserthough I do find the nomenclature confusing.

My reason for posting this to help me understand though I am not sure that is possible. I understand wanting to cross dress, and in my case I think I uncovered its origins. What I am interested in is the part of self that leads to crossdressing and gender or body dysmorphia.* Is that part of personality which the evidence is we are born with, or environment, or a combination? Where is ones sexuality connected to ones body?

Nothing in my post should be taken as disapproval. It is purely curiosity in search of understanding.  Forget about the experts! They useless as it is all speculation. In this case the definition of 'expert's as someone with a briefcase 100 miles from home, fits.

Two little boys sees a pretty little girl ith pigtails in a pink dress. One boy thinks the little girl is cute, the other wants to be her, why the different reaction?

It seems I can attach pics here but not sure how. I will try to in my profile if allowed