The Woman Inside, Laurenβs Journey.
You have to leave the past behind!
I am writing a book about my journey, some have told me it will be an autobiography of memoirs, and so it shall be. I have been digging deep into the far recesses of my memory and have many recollections of things and events that occurred throughout my lifetime.
In the process of writing down memories one often experiences a wide range of emotions, depending upon what the recollections were. So I recalled a comment made by a very wise friend I now have who is also a trans woman. ββ¦you are a new person now, thereβs no returning, you move forward with your new life, straight and tall, and you have to leave the past behind.β
Yesterday I had a delightful time, I was invited to have lunch with two dear ladies I used to work with. Theyβre now back in the building several times a month, which is so good! We talked about so many things and had a great time together, but what was so wonderful for me, was the fact that, I was βone of the girls.β We talked and laughed and shared stories and they told me ββ¦we just look at you as a woman, thatβs who you are now.β
Two other women at work have also told me how amazed they are watching me βblossomβ into the woman I am now, that they can see that Iβve become so comfortable as the person I truly am β and yes! It is wonderful! And despite dealing with the challenges and difficulties, and the emotions experienced in doing so, I can tell you, there is no going back, I move forward on this journey,
and I leave the past behind!
Until next time, lots of hugs my wonderful girlfriends,
Ms. Lauren M
Yep Lauren, while the past must not be forgotten, I have found it best to leave it behind, where it was and how it was. I do not want to forget it because I always want it around in case I need to remember it to help me with something I'm currently dealing with. But so many people keep clinging to what happened in the past as if by doing so, something will change. Clinging to the past only keeps the frustration it caused, always present in our mind. So I try to reconcile the past, and keep it placed safely on that shelf in my mind.
BTW, if you haven't thought about it, your stories would probably make for a good Article. Maybe something you would want to consider. Hugs, Michelle
Hi Michelle, excellent idea, I will work on that, we need a little more action over on this site, CDH is taking all the credit...LOL.
Hugs girl,
Ms. Lauren M
Yes, time is constantly passing, and we should also move forward and leave the past behind. We all have a new future, just like a newborn baby, we have the time and freedom to live out our life, and don't let the mud of the past hold us back. We may be taking every step slowly, but we are moving forward.
We can also take everything before as the foreshadowing of our future life, with these foreshadowing we will go steadily and quickly. Remembering my previous failed relationships made me unable to believe in love for a long time, and that I was transgender. But then I figured out, I just happened to meet one jerk, so does that mean everyone's a jerk? Of course not, later I was still brave to pursue their own love, and now I finally have a beautiful love.
My boyfriend is considerate, attentive, and responsible, and we have been together for more than half a year. He has always treated me with respect and treated me as a real woman. I am grateful to him for loving me. By the way, if you're looking for a date, you can go on one of those transgender dating apps, it really works.
Leaving the past is a challenge for me. In the past are the beginnings of all the relationships that in the now have deep and significant meaning for me.
At this point in my journey I am non-transitioning. It is those many relationships all with roots deep in the past that my deciding to live authentically would disturb. I am not yet ready to cause such disturbance.
Perhaps that will change. Only recently have I cleared the hurdle of embracing my own womanhood, i.e. I long to be a woman because at my soul level I am a woman. Successfully clearing that hurdle, I amΒ much more aware that the journey before me seems less impossible than ever before. The mindset of the past with the nagging question , "how can I do this?" is slowly being replaced with the consideration, "Let me figure out how I can do this."
But it is not yet come to the point where I can positively affirm, "The past not withstanding, I must do this." My heart beats with excitement when I read of Lauren's experience that in spending time with other woman she was, "just one of the girls," and that . "We talked and laughed and shared stories and they told me ββ¦we just look at you as a woman, thatβs who you are now." Oh my, nothing quickens my pulse more than the reality of just being accepted as a woman among cis women.
Thanks for sharing Lauren (& other ladies). This is why IΒ am spending more than just lurking time here at TGH.Β I am expecting that this atmosphere will help me finally come to the place where I can forget the past in order to just "be one of the girls" or "at my age, one of the women." And that's OK by me because I would then be authentic.
Hugs,
Charlene
Learn to let go ........
There was a great song about that.
Miriya
