Basically, Social Transition has two parts:
- Appearing as is consistent with one’s target gender
- Behaving as is consistent with one’s target gender.
The term target gender relates to the gender that we feel we need to be. For example, in the case of a Male to Female transgender person, female would be their target gender.
The appearance part is pretty obvious. Typically, trans people put effort into our appearance as we want others to assume that we are living and functioning as our target gender. Some may think in terms of Passing, but I think it is more generalized than that. I would say that it is, at a minimum, creating a situation where the Benefit Of The Doubt is possible.
Behavior is a bit more tricky and that has two parts:
- Unlearning old behaviors related to our former gender identity.
- Learning new behaviors related to our target gender identity.
At first pass, there are certain behaviors associated with being male. They apply to “most” males. Such as:
- Expectations of being In Charge
- Physical presence
- Aggressiveness
- Expectations of being able to “fix” things
- Being the “strong, silent” type
- Authority figure
One the other hand, society also has certain expectations for females. But, note that societal expectations and behaviors do change, albeit often quite slowly. So, in general, expectations for females include:
- Being deferential to men
- Being dependent on men
- Minimizing ones physical presence
- Rearing and nurturing children
- Domestic functions
- Sacrificing oneself for the sake of a relationship
While this is a snapshot of the past, in MANY cases, these societal expectations and limitations still exist. Also, neither list is meant to be exhaustive, but they are intended to illustrate differences related to gender. However, as time continues, the roles that people have in real life are evolving. Women lead governments and are fighter pilots. Men are a part of the nursing profession and are care givers. The boundaries and barriers that traditionally existed are forever weakening.
So, going forward, we will focus on behavioral differences between genders.
Thoughts and comments are welcome!
A short while ago, I was sitting on the porch, having a simple conversation with my next door neighbor about yard sales. The conversation was no different that what you'd expect from any two other people. Socially transitioning seems to be what people make of it in their interactions with others sometimes. Hugs
The problem is that there needs to be a change in thought process. If one contiues with a masculine perspective (regarding M to F people in this case, but it works in both directions), people will know, or at least suspect, that regardless of how you look there is mismatch somewhere. I liken it to be similar to the physical mismatch of a bearded person in a dress. That’s a pretty stark example, but it definitely lets you know that all is not as it seems.
Effectively a psychological mismatch creates a question mark for people and can bring closer scrutiny. Why doesn’t one’s behavior match one’s gender identity? If that is “off”, what else is “off”? Male posturing and privilege on a female identified person will be noticed a mile away. It can undo the effort that one puts into physical presentation.
I’ve been a member of a women’s weekly chat group since before the pandemic. It was created by the LGBTQ Community Center of the Desert here. Shortly after a friend invited me to join OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). Since then I have been a regular participant in the monthly Lesbians of Color discussion group. In both cases, early on I was very particular about my behavior. I was part of the conversation, but in a low key way. Certainly the other participants knew that I was a trans person, but I didn’t want that to create a negative. Eventually my behavior changed to what it usually is and things have been very good ever since. Often we, as trans people don’t realize that changes in our behavior is nearly as important as the changes in our presentation as we become more aligned with our true selves.
Hi Girls, seeing as I have some experience after socially transitioning almost three years ago, let me chime in.
My own experience may differ from other girls, as I am an intersex female.
I have always been very feminine, in both physical features and mannerisms. I had a lady at work come to me one day last year, asking where I learned to be so feminine. I told her that I never learned, I always was feminine but had to hide it. In my case my mannerisms were simply innate, I was born with them. But years of having to hide my feminine nature and behave more like the male I was assigned as did create a bit of a learning curve when I first transitioned. After years of being told that I walked, talked, sat, ate, threw a ball and stood, like a girl, I had learned to hide my feminine nature by acting like a boy. So transitioning required me to unleash my femininity that had been constrained for so long.
Women smile more, they laugh easily, their movements are graceful, when they sit they don't manspread, they have far more graceful table manners, they maintain eye contact when talking to others, and usually have softer voices. Being intersex, my voice never really deepened at puberty, my private parts never grew and I was blessed with wide hips, large thighs, boobs and a cute bum.
So for me, appearing and behaving, as the woman I always knew I was, came quite easily after doing some concentrated unlearning of the masculine act I had performed for so many years.
Lets see what others have to say, interesting and fun topic DeeAnn. 🙂
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
@reallylauren Like many other aspects of our lives, we cover a spectrum. As we’ve seen in our coming out experiences, one size does not fit all and that adds a degree of difficulty to sorting things out.
I am so tired so tired of pretending to be a man. I want to let the woman inside me out. I want to be a traditional wife. I would love to be dependent on a man let them be in charge. I want to be a housewife. I feel time is not on my side and my life is slipping away and I will never be able to live the life I feel that I deserve. To be my authentic self-that's who I am and that's who I want to be.
Hugs Barbra
