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Childhood signs

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(@limitededition)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Virginia
Joined: 5 years ago

For people later in life that are finally accepting their gender such as myself are there signs from childhood you think could have gone unnoticed?

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(@cassieg)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Minnesota, Elk River
Joined: 4 years ago

There were always signs. Most if not all were caught dressing in alternative clothes or even mentioned we wished to be the opposite gender. It was most common I'd think we got a long talk or even scolded. At that point if like myself those wishes/desires were carefully hidden .

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(@limitededition)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Virginia
Joined: 5 years ago

I feel like mine that started around 7 or8 I didn’t recognize then

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(@carlyellen)
Estimable Member     United States of America, Oklahoma, Sallisaw
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi, Michelle.   At 68 years old, I've accepted my real self as me, after years of pretending.  Personally, I knew something was amiss all my life.  I Didn't have words or concepts to express it until I was a teenager.  I heard an underground radio station share an interview with Dr Virginia Prince, one of the pioneers in the 50s and 60s and 70s.  Back then, there was no form of support to be found, and being trans was a psychiatric disorder, so I stayed as stealthy as I could manage.   But that was the event that gave me a framework to describe who I am and to start learning about myself.

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(@Anonymous)
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For me, the signs were obvious but I ignored them for so long.  Duh - I wasn't very bright.  I loved playing with my sisters barbie dolls.  My mom would encourage this.  My mom also showed me how to put make-up and nail polish on.  She encouraged me to dress when I was bad.  So I dressed.  A lot!  I continued to dress during school, in my marriage.  Finally, I have told my wife of my cross dressing and my desire to become Andrea full time.  It is a struggle.  I am at a cross roads, but finally - after 50 years - of opening up to people including her and letting Andrea out to the world, even a little, is incredibly freeing.

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(@limitededition)
Eminent Member     United States of America, Virginia
Joined: 5 years ago

For me it was wanting to wear my friends that was a girl her clothes.  Then sometimes I would sneak my moms lip gloss she never used and put it on when I was alone.  Then when I was 12 I found my moms tampons and took one and tried it.  I had to read the directions to see how to insert it.  That memory particularly sticks out because that was the most feminine thing I had ever felt.  Over time I would do it occasionally.  But being so young it was like I just enjoyed how it felt but I never processed it.  Looking bad I wish I had because I would be a lot further along then I am now.

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(@autumnleaves)
Active Member     United States of America, Wisconsin, Janesville
Joined: 3 years ago

I spent most of my life hiding and denying the signs to myself.

The first sign I remember is being given a childhood practice razor and shaving cream around 5 or 6 years old  (mens facial hair style.) at the time I had no name for that intense dread that surged through me about the impending doom. I became afraid to grow up that day.

I have a sister very close to the same age as me and we would play together all the time. In the mud, Lego’s, Barbies, just whatever it wasn’t boy or girl play then. However, I would throw a friggin fit if I had to play with the ugly boy dolls (I want to be  the pretty one! Lol)  I grew very jealous of my sister.

Nail Polish! Omg since I was like six until I got beat up for it in 4th grade

I always wanted my hair to grow  but they kept cutting it on me and it made me so angry.

I started stealing and trying my sisters clothes on privately when I was about 8 or 9. I was caught by a 16 year old female family member once and got a full make over and I luuuuved it. This was also scary.  I eventually got into my mothers clothing as I grew and developed an eye for measuring women from a distance eventually picking them for partners and wearing their clothes (I know, I swear I’m really not that creepy)

a friend and I would draw together for fun and while he was drawing hulking men and musculature I would focus on the soft  curves of the female body. Even day dreaming a little about being the girls I was drawing. (Come on girl really you didn’t know?)

I had a beautiful singing voice and would sing various female artist (never really chose male songs) and was told I could sing so beautifully then testosterone decided to kill that and I hated my voice from then on.

I never really put any of this together even tho there were numerous signs but as puberty started and my curiosity grew as well  Things began to make sense and when I was 12 I was dating a very cute young guy and told my parents about my attraction to boys and girls. Really puberty was not nice I became bitter, numb, upset, confused, hateful and very unhappy

I was over accepted at home for my sexuality (didn’t think it was possible) and I became uncomfortable with the amount of attention at home and bullying at school. There were long phone conversation with my aunt (also a transgender woman) support groups the works. I wish I would have listened to her so much more but I was so overwhelmed and really just needed space and time.

I ended up needing to defend myself in school physically resulting in court cases where I was punished. It became very traumatic and I ran from myself and kept running until about a 1 year ago.

I Joined foot ball, learned how to be a man and played drag king for the rest of my school days. Went off to attempt an easy death in the Middle East with a rifle in my hand but got injured and sent home from basic training. (I was in during the repeal of don’t ask don’t tell we were sat down in the woods and told that won’t be changing  regardless of the new policy wooow)  I spent my entire adult life running from those childhood signs even tho it was in the back of my mind.  It wouldn’t stop and continued to grow.

So here I am 18 years later finally accepting me for me at 30 after all the trauma and unpleasantness.  Really wish I would have stayed true to myself and recognized the early signs.

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(@Anonymous)
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Of course there were signs and some were unnoticed even by myself or at least did not equate to me as my being female. The earliest ones I can remember are giving myself bubble boobies around 5-6 when taking a bath, or playing Barbies with my sister. As I got older I liked to keep my hair long and even got it cut into a girls cut when given the chance until I was corrected.  I also liked to wear pants that made my butt look bigger, guess I still do.  I used to play a lot of roleplaying games and most of the time chose female roles. Most of my daydreams where of stories where I was turned into a girl in some way or another, silly really that this went unnoticed but transgender popularity back then was really low and not common place. When I started to wear female clothing, makeup and stuff it was a sign alright but was no longer unnoticed.

 

Hope this helps,

Miriya

 

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