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My Secrets

11 Posts
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Posts: 119
Managing Ambassador
Topic starter
Estimable Member     United States of America, California, Needles
Joined: 6 years ago


Posts: 64
Trusted Member     United States of America, Wisconsin, Fort Atkinson
Joined: 4 years ago

My heart goes out to everyone out there, I joined TGH to learn from all of my friend's here and to talk about our journey's to be our trueselfs.
I feel I am living as my trueself and having to live with my choices and the prats of this journey that had to be, that weren't my choice but had to happy to stay alive. I do feel a since of guilt for those who got hurt by me because of this path I am on, my kids just tell me that it's ok to want to be happy, because the other path is not a way that's good for no one. I started out late in life finely dealing with my secrets and ended up in a addicted to drugs and a loveless marriage but trying to keep it together, but if you don't like yourself you are going be numb to the ones you love and to yourself just as much if not more.
love and huggs

Posts: 9
Active Member     United States of America, New Jersey
Joined: 4 years ago

It’s probably safe to assume most of the transgender community has dealt with the feeling of being possessed. Doing things to ourselves that we had no control of. In retrospect it’s hard to believe I never seriously harmed myself with some of the things I did . Wondering if I was being punished for something I did in a past life or someone’s version of a sick joke. A big mistake. Sound familiar? Here’s something that I will always wonder if was a weird coincidence or attempted suicide.

I had to get shoulder surgery 12 years ago. When they administered the anesthetic I said to myself “this is my ticket out of here “. When I awoke the doctor was looking down at me. I asked how it went. Obviously a little shaken the doctor said “it didn’t “ . Apparently when they gave me the drug I had a seizure and my heart stopped. I looked down and saw hand prints on my chest from compressions and all sorts of devices attached to me. After a week in cardiac ICU I became the owner of  an ICD/ pacemaker. Just so happens the battery just ran out so Monday I am getting a procedure to get it replaced.
Lucky  me . November 1st I am going for my bottom surgery. Because I have this device my surgeon insisted I get a complete cardiac work up or they won’t do the surgery. Repercussions suck.


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