Good morning TGH sisters. For many (perhaps most) this may not be special, but for me it was sooooo. . . euphoric (I believe that's the word which captures the feelings most precisely)
Last evening my wife had to spend an evening at a sleep clinic so a sleep study could be performed. This was an appointment that was set probably 6 weeks ago. No sooner was it set then I just "knew" how} I would spend those alone hours.
Yes, I did. Yes I was, me, Charlene. Clothes were borrowed, as was the nail polish and make up. No at this point I have none of my own, but with many skirts and tops I can appropriately wear my wife's. Yes I know that many say borrowing without one's wife's consent is a "no-no". I understand that. But what little I had in clothes I parted with in 2020 for her comfort in living with a husband that is "gender broken."
Last evening I broke the no borrowing rule. Oh my, it was euphoric. For a few hours I was the woman I know myself to be at my soul level. I was so at home in those few hours of feminine self expression. The feelings were so reenforced as I listened at length to files from The Feminization Lab and Beautifully Changed, both MTF feminization sites on You Tube.
I worked around the kitchen as Charlene, ventured out onto the deck, into the back yard and then to the front. Foolish perhaps, as the front of the home is brightly illuminated by a street light, but at that point I didn't care. I was the neighbor lady and wasn't hurting anyone. And at that time if the morning the street is quiet.
Dawn came and time to go pick up my wife. Oh my, it was so hard having to regress back to the closet so the respected / respectable man could exist again.
Now, I am at work. Oh my do I hurt deep within. I am Charlene. I know I could live full time as the woman I am, but for the walls within. Perhaps it is small adventures like this that slowly erode the foundation of those walls until they come crumbling down to be replaced by the confident embracing of authenticity.
Dear ladies, thank you for listening and understanding.
Hugs,
Charrie
I'm sad to hear that you are in a situation where you can't be yourself. I hope it gets better. Many hugs.
My first waves of euphoria were with borrowed clothes (which she was mad about when she found out) but it was a revelation that there was an alternative to the continuous low level depression which I had become used to. I knew at that point that things couldn't stay the same.
My wife is now supportive but I feel weird doing voice training in front of her. Last week I needed to take some long drives alone and found it was a good place to do voice work. Other drivers just think I am talking on the phone.
-Elle
Hi Ellie,
Thank you for the encouragement. I have thought about voice lesson and practicing while driving.
Hugs,
Charrie
Good luck! Your wife might just be afraid of the change and what she thinks might happen, after all humans don't really like change and we all take a while to adjust. I would suggest talking about it and trying to comfort each other as communication and support can alleviate a lot of worries and conflicts.