Hello all!
My partner recently came out as trans (MTF). I want to be as supportive as I possibly can be but I don't want to make her feel like I'm being intrusive.
I would truly appreciate any advice you could give me on helping her through the beginning phases of her transition.
I am also just unsure of what questions are appropriate to ask her as this is such a recent discovery.
Thank you in advance!
Sarah, we have tons of Forum posts and Articles you can dig around in and read. There is a lot of very educational and informative stuff here at TGH. So jump in a learn. I think DeeAnn sent you a post on a book that she recommends. I'm sure it is a good read. Michelle
Sarah, unfortunately many people don't ask questions because they are afraid to. They assume that anything they do will be offensive. While it can happen, that's usually not the case. I think it is always helpful to do your homework first. That does a couple of things. It will likely keep you from asking questions that can be perceived to be very shallow and disrespectful. Further, the message to your partner is that you were willing to invest effort in beginning to educate yourself. Two wins in my book.
From my observation and experience, it isn't that people find questions offensive per se; it's that they find insensitive questions and questions driven by prejudice to be the problem...
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Hey Sarah my wife told me I should maybe since I am on the other side of what you are going thru. I came out to my wife and it was so hard. This is the woman I love the woman who made me a better person, the woman who gave up her family and friends to move across the country to be with me. Maybe oneday one of us will share our story on here. This is about you and your partner so please don't feel like I am trying to take the spotlight, I just wanted you to know a little bit about where I am coming from.
The biggest thing for you to remember is your partner is the same person, and I really hope you are the same person they fell in love with and with your post I think you are. Asking a question even if you say it in the wrong way (meaning the term I HATE with the wrong words) is better than not asking something you want or need to know. I am a strange type person to me the only stupid question is an unasked question.
If your partner is anything like me just be there for them be willing to tell them every hour of every day that you are okay with everything (if you really are) How my wife has not gone crazy with me asking her everyday for two months and me breaking down crying every time she called me baby girl or her girl, I don't know. I mean I came out in December of last year and I still ask her that no matter how many times we go to Walmart and pick out nailpolish and makeup. So really what I am trying to say is you just be you, and get ready for needing more makeup space and closet space. If you really want free yourself of worry sit down with your partner and say hey look I need us to be open and honest but I need you to know if I ask a question I am not trying to attack you shame you or hurt you, so if I use the (here's that term again) wrong words please forgive me and tell me.
That is really the only way in my mind your partner has chosen you to share their deepest darkest I will take this to my grave secret with you, out of love, so if you love them and they love you you have no problems, you can't over come.
Listen to them and ask what you can do for them
Don't hold onto worries about their transition, be open with them about your concerns, and discuss them, rather than bottling things up.
Ask them if they want to go clothes shopping etc with you. Help them with finding what looks right in terms of clothes, hair, make-up.
Most importantly, they are the same person, if you still love them, tell them.
We sometimes revert into out shells, and feel isolated, wrecking ourselves with internalised transphobia (aimed at ourselves), when there is no need, so try and be supportive, and pull them out, and tell them it is ok to be them.
