Dear Melanie,
Since I first bought myself a pair of 4" heels in a Wallmart kind of store 20 years ago, I have been on countless shopping trips all around Sweden. Until the fall of 2012 I was always in more or less male mode, though mostly wearing female undergarments and my breast forms as to be able to try thimgs on for fit. For the last eight years however I usually present as the woman I identify with. Only once in twenty years I have been outright denied trying some dresses on, in a clear state of disapproval, and twice in a certain store, I've been welcomed but asked to use the men's dressing rooms. And those were both in male mode. My general experience has been one of excellent service and genuine care and interest, with shop assistants helping me find what I'm looking for and occasionally coming by the dressing room asking if I need help with zippers or would like to try another size, just as I've seen them do for other women. Sometimes i may be unsure of the fit or look and will then model the clothes for a sales assistant, asking for their opinion and input. Never have I been laughed at or ridiculed but instead I have had tons of supportive comments about how good I look and how well I carry myself as a woman.
Melanie,I am a crossdresser who enjoys grocery shopping enfemme and who also shops enfemme for my<michelle s>outfits from female head to toe.Will I ever pass 100% as a woman?No and it does not bother me.Most people are too busy to notice anything going on around them and yes, I catch the inevitable question"Are you a male or female?"Often we are dressed better than whomever is asking that question.I try to blend in,have a smile on my face and a positive attitude.Three out of four ladies I encounter embrace enthusiastically the fact that I can pass and function as Michelle whether in heels or flats.Enjoy your feminity and have a great life.
When i first started shopping for women's clothing i would say i was looking for a fashionable gift for my wife, girlfriend, or other important woman in my life. I would always indicate she was about my size and they usually seemed fine with that and were helpful, even though at times i broke a sweat.
among those that caught on, reactions ranged between "That would be a nice gift, but this would fit your frame much better" to outright refusing to help or asking me to leave the store. Most people are friendly and just trying to earn their keep. If you are refused or treated badly at a store, don't go to that store unless its your only option. Fearful people provoke violence. I would even tell my friends(all kinds) about my treatment there so they don't have to deal with those people either.
I’ve never experienced hostility, luckily, even back when I was still mostly in the world in male mode.
It’s been years since I’ve actually been in male mode, since I’ve donated all my male clothes a long time ago, and am 100% of the time femme. I pretty much always dress to blend in when I’m out and about in the world, at least if I’m out doing normal, boring life things like shopping or other errands.
Every time I’ve gone clothing shopping, sales people have always been friendly and helpful, even when I may have looked like a deer in headlights, like when I first started buying makeup and needed lots of help.
I like to believe that people are becoming more accepting, and maybe that’s true, or maybe it’s because they just don’t care.
It’s definitely been helpful in making me feel more comfortable with myself
If I still Identified as a woman and worked in retail, I would gladly help you find anything you wanted or needed. In fact, I would have considered it an honor. I hate reading about the hateful and prejudice and judgmental responses that some of your repliers and yourself have had. There is definitely a cultural and societal norm difference between a "man (cis or passing or transitioned" calling saying, "Listen here, bitch..." to a woman vs a "woman (cis, passing, or transitioned)" saying "listen here, bitch..." to another female. I can see why it would be an awkward situation based upon that alone...
Now that I am legally male on drivers license, birth certificate, and with SSA, even though I still get those looks "is that a guy or a girl," I have to catch myself from saying to a judgmental woman, "what the f are you looking at bitch," because I don't want to be charged with harrassment or any other charge. I think going into the men's department and trying on clothes in the men's dressing room is kind of like women using the men's bathroom stall, when the line for the women's restroom is too long, so there is less judgement, or at least that is my thought process. If a man were to confront me in some way about it, I'd just tell him to f off. However, it is socially acceptable for a person viewed as a women to make comments like that, regardless of the other party's gender identity, to the other person. The hypocrisy in this socially incongruent act between was is socially acceptable for women but not for men seems more reflective of the imbedded fear within our society that is based upon archaic notions of chivalry; not to say chivalry is bad, but that it is not appropriate in every context.
I definitely think, based on this alone, would make a "bio man" experience more negative feedback and judgement while buying women's clothing for "himself (as perceived by others)," than it would be/is for a "bio female" to buy men's clothing for "herself (as perceived by others)".
My first ever outing was august 1st to years ago to a makeover at Macy’s. I told them I was trans and asked if would be a problem. It wasn’t and I had a delightful day. The personal shopper pulled clothing for me to try on and I see her every time I am back at the South Hills Village Mall in PA. I go there frequently as Annie and no one Has ever batted an eyelash. That mall is about 1 1/2 hours from home so lately I’ve gotten braver and gone to a strip mall. Fifteen minutes away. I regularly shop at kohl’s, Pennys and TJ Max and have never had an issue.
On one outing I went to a smaller shop and needed help finding a cute mask. As I was the only one there I asked the two older ladies if they could tell that I was trans. They responded Heaven’s no. You move and walk better in heels than many women. They did say that had no knowledge until I spoke. I know I need voice work. (Darn puberty).
Another cute story. My wife and I go to the same hair stylist. My wife outed me to her but identified my behavior as crossdressing and believed it was something I could control. At my last cut my hairdresser and I discussed the true me and I showed her my pics of which I have many. She said I have good taste in cloths, my wig is gorgeous and I am pretty. Such a warm feeling enveloped me talking to her. No wonder I want to be a woman.
Huggs and 😘😘😘
Annie.
