I am a very sensitive soul with emotions I cannot control. Feeling alone as I began to try to grasp who I am a few years back I began searching for others who are in a similar position. Is Jennifer real? Should I allow Jennifer to exist, am I a cross-dresser or am I something else. I eventually found this place and realized I am actually just in the wrong body, that my name is Jennifer Darlene. It is me and I cant change that but I had at least found what I thought was a family here in chat. Thats where I could learn more about me and others experiences. The family left me but I know who I am. I feel alone, like a lone cat. On a path that has been very hard. Making phone calls to Rainbow health, CAMH, preplanned parenthood I looked everywhere. Rainbow health tells me they are full but call back next year, I did that, few years ago. They then tell me they dont have doctors. Sent me some resources but none yielded anything. There was a nurce practitioner but I would have to leave my family doctor, and to me I am not sure how their qualifications work in comparison to a real doctor. I asked my family doctor about it and she said she could refer me but that they would just prescribe me HRT without any psychotherapy. I wanted to take things slow, so a therapist is important for me. Preplaned parenthood told me I am too old at 41 I think I was. CAMH put me on a wait list. Finaly years later I get an appointment with a therapist at CAMH Gender Clinic, same place I went to back in 2007 that turned me away. This time they were egar to feed me HRT , I talked it over and they finaly agreed we can try Spiro first. They said I can get a Endocrinologist with their clinic or one my family doctor has thats closer. I talked to family doctor and she convinced me to use theirs. I wait two months and now get notified its canceled because the doctor is leaving the clinic and I had to phone to have my doctor send a referral to the one CAMH recommended and who knows how long that will take. I also have high suspicion I am autistic and my Autism Assessment which I have also been waiting years for is in a few days. But I need long term help, The CAMH did say I would get a psychologist and solcial worker but who knows who I cn trust now. For a few months or more I was going to a group to hopefully help me learn how to develop relations with people, boost my self esteem and hopefully help with my anger. That fell through because I had to leave the group to protect myself from someone who had started a fight and a few people who were bullying new members. I am a introvert but do need some human interaction and I did feel at home here. But with many moving elsewhere I am left alone with my thoughts and emotions and dont know where to go for support or if the system will ever stop playing games with me.
