How do I manage the intense need to be a woman?

That's wonderful, Jessi! I wish you the best. I recommend journaling about your transition hopes, dreams and goals. Spend considerable time researching how best to accomplish them. Try meditation in the meantime to collect yourself. Find your support in your family and friends and also in this group and others like it. Lots of experience on this site! Ask questions. Transition could be social and/or medical. Assess your finances and professional goals. There are ramifications to transitioning. Some you can know before you transition and some you won't, but prepare as well as you can before starting. An example would be removing facial hair. Can take a couple years and could be done before transition. Going out with girlfriends shopping, spa days and practicing hair and make up are great places to start. I hope this helps you. This isn't a race. Every transition is different. Can be slow, fast, take several tries. Remember that the way you transition should feel right to you.

I think the best way to help with all the anxiety that comes with wanting so desperately to transition, is probably to keep making steps towards it. As long as you are doing something about it, even if it's something very small, you will reassure yourself that you are making progress towards a transition and you will feel accomplished with every baby step. Just don't stagnate and I think that will help you the most. Best wishes.

That is such a beautiful response.

I cannot believe how it feels to have responses that support my feelings. I was expecting different responses and I'm so overwhelmed by both of these responses. Thank you so much.

It feels so incredible to finally talk with real people about about my need to become a woman. I've kept it inside for so long.

Hi Jessi,

First off you are in the right place. Most everyone has or had the same feelings. We all standby you on your journey to being a woman. All you have to is the Legg Work. There is a lot of prep work, which guess you have started.
Don't be jealous of other women, but learn from them. Watch how they do things, how they walk. If you have girlfriends, ask them to give you tips on how to dress, talk, and walk.

I hope this is helpful to you. Being a woman is a whole different world. Lots of changes both physically and mentally and lots of work.

Love,
Vicki E.

Yes. I definitely learn from them. Thanks. I think my post was a little bit more panicked than I meant it to sound. But I see them in outfits I wish I was wearing and it's getting so tough to stay content in the man clothes that I have to wear.

Jessi, I can empathize with your emotions starting to peak about being the woman you want to be. You're reminding me of myself in 2014-15. My partner knew about my transgender way since I told them, then they were she, while we were dating. We hit it off much deeper than any other partner I ever had. I told them everything with a trust that seemed like nothing. I thought I could be vulnerable to them and bare my true soul. It paid off! They supported me like the me I was and not what the world saw and heard. Five years after we married, I felt loved unconditionally. I took the leap from that place. It was wondrous! I was acting on a cable access variety show as a female "inpersonator". I didn't want to take off my costumes more and more. I was in full-time college and thought that it would be a safe place to come out again. I had previously tried to transition in 1996. So I bought more female clothes, asked my teachers and fellow students to call me Dasia and use only she/her/hers pronouns. It was alright for about 6 months. After that the transphobic backlashed I recieved from many teachers, faculty and a few students became too hard to bear. I dropped out. A week later I told what happened and compalined to the school administration. The end result was I was kicked off the campus for a year and I had to plead guilty, due to lack of evidence and witnesses, to disorderly conduct. I certainly didn't do that, the judge and prosecutor even thought it was a ridiculous notion, but the law needs someone to be guilty. That was me. I did the probation for a year with flying colors and it was dropped from my record like it never happened. I lost my education. I lost my career for the moment. It was close to impossible to find work since I didn't pass. That was a little more than three years ago. I still struggle to find enough work that isn't transphobic in a state that declares we conquered that in 1993. I tell you this because I wish you better than I got. What happened to me may or may not happen to you. I just want you to know that, if you can be patient, your transition could have more positive notes. Not being psychic is a tough position. We can't know how people will react, what they will say or do, or even what they might take from us or give to us. Passing isn't necessary. Support, however, is needed to a point.