My spouse completely surprised me!
(TLDR at the bottom)
When I came out to my spouse as bi a few years ago, she took it really hard. Not in a homophobic way, but in an anxiety "I'll never be enough" kinda way. We worked through that and came out stronger.
A year later I really started questioning my gender. Like, hard. After some reflection and therapy, I came out to her again as non-binary. She was accepting, but the quote that stuck with me that night was, "I don't think I could handle it if you were trans." That stopped me from trying out and exploring a lot of things out of fear I'd lose her.
Fast forward a few more years. I haven't been depressed, but definitely dysphoric at certain points. It came to a tipping point when we were shopping for clothes (I've occasionally picked up fem clothes but not a lot). We went home and for the third time I came out to her. I told her that I feel more trans than what I had originally said and that I wished often I had been born a girl. I still identify as non-binary and feel comfortable with that. I also have no issue with my genitals, but other female characteristics are what I wish I had. I said there were masc things I liked and didn't, fem things I liked and didn't, etc.
We talked a long time about all of it and she was "not surprised" and very accepting. It almost felt like we renewed our vows in that moment and promised to love each and every version of each other. I'm now looking into full-on gender affirming care in DC and talking with my therapist and psychologist about the possibility of HRT.
TLDR: I was afraid to tell my spouse that I was feeling more and more like I wish I had been AFAB and was transitioning from that side of the spectrum and she took it really well! After a long talk, we started talking about hormones and me transitioning more to fit how I feel!
I wish you and your wife the very best as you go forward together!