So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months. I came out to her as trans after our first month and I thought it would break us up. It didn’t. Last weekend, she saw me in panties for the first time. I kinda just dropped the bomb on her. I didn’t warn her about it and we were getting frisky and she pulled my pants down and there they were. A shiny new pair of red Vicky’s shorties. She didn’t miss a beat and never said anything about it. I brought it up a few days later and she said she figured it was inevitable. But she was really cool about it. Or so I thought.
Last night, I brought up the subject of HRT. She didn’t take it very well. She said it felt like this was the beginning of the end. I don’t want to lose her but I don’t think I can suppress my true self any longer. I’ve done it once before and I regret it so much. I would’ve transitioned in my early 20s if it hadn’t been for that.
I asked her why it felt like the beginning of the end and she said she didn’t think she would be attracted to me as a woman and that there has to be at least some element of physical attraction. We both cried. The timing couldn’t be worse. I don’t know what to do now.
Tara,
I wish I had some good advice. All I can say is I hope you do what is best for you and your transition. Seems that is the most healthy thing you can do for yourself. I may be there soon, but I have not yet come out to my wife and my timing will be the worst as we are to celebrate 20 years of marriage in March. My story seems to be more common as it takes many years to realize a person is not their true self. You have discovered it early on. I wish you luck, my friend. Take care of you, beautiful girl!! HUGS, XX, Rue..
Tara.....red lights and warning bells are ringing. It is a good thing that your are not married at this stage. Sweetie....it does not look good. In this world you must be true to yourself or you cannot be true to others. I suggest you both take some time to realy discuss each others feelings before any moves are taken. Is this really what you want? Is she accepting or not? Does she want children, if so...you will not be able to give them to her.
My personal move would be to break up and both move on. Only you two can decide that.
Good luck on whatever you decide.
Dame Veronica
Tara, are you sure you want to go on HRT and have you spoken to a gender therapist? There is so much to consider and it is not an easy decision. If you haven't done so, you should do that first and let your girlfriend know that you are. I'd hate to see things fall apart if the decision to transition hasn't been thoroughly discussed with a therapist.
Hugs, Cloe
Thanks for the input Cloe. I have been seeing a therapist for months now. I’m waiting to see him after the new year and discuss this recent development more.
I think you’re right, Rue. I was married before and suppressed myself for 14 years. Towards the end, I got suicidal. I don’t think I can go back to that.
Tara,
Your experience sounds similar to mine in some ways. What began as, what most would describe as “Normal” if that exists, has morphed into something quite different, but very accepting, loving and satisfying. What has worked for us? First and foremost, you must love and care for yourself. No one else can do that for you. You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, and they are not responsible for yours. But having said that, none of us wants to be isolated, and yet we are asking for acceptance of something that is most fundamental to a relationship. By being open and honest with those to whom you are closest to, even if it ends the relationship, will hopefully result in less pain and difficulty later. I hope and pray this can be resolved so that both of you are happy and your relationship can continue, whatever that may look like.
Carla
