I am living my life as a male. I came to realize that I am trans about 11 months ago. I look in the mirror now and see a stranger. Someone I don’t want to be anymore. Tried coming out as a crossdresser to my wife at first but she was 100% against it and I got scared to tell her anymore. She has told me at one point, not to tell her I’m transgender. In the past year, I’ve lost all male sexual function (which I could care) but my wife is upset over. Just living a nightmare and hoping one day that I can be ME.
When looking in mirror as male self can see my female self wanting out so bad to be the main reflection for ever.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm on the verge of bringing this up with my wife, and it is terrifying. My thoughts are with you.
Yes! Exactly this. Especially the part of sexual arousal. I used to think that was the only reason I did this, and even though there's still a tinge of that, it's really faded. The pure, unadulterated joy comes from seeing yourself as the woman that you are. I know some people don't have that need to look on the outside like they feel on the inside, but for those of us with the severe dysphoria, it's often the only relief there is.
I definitely feel like I look younger as a woman too. In general, I look young for my age, which helps, but just hiding the greying, male-pattern baldness takes years off!
Hi Alexis, thanks for this post. My history with the dreaded mirror has gone on for a long time...longer than I can remember. Like you I am at the beginning of this journey and still living as my male self (bummer). I have moments where id be in front of the mirror and for the briefest moment I see the real me, and it genuinely brings feelings of happiness and joy. I kinda thought that maybe I was being a bit delusional but that was before I realised what being trans actually was. This has sparked more than a couple of lightbulb moments, and I've decided that life's to short to live as someone you feel is a lie, life's to short to live miserably, happiness is not an impossible dream and dreams do eventually become reality 🙂
I am starting to see myself in the mirror now. It has taken a while
The worst was when my hair was cut and it looked too short and too masculine.
Out came the clip on earrings to make me feel better. Since then I have had my ears pierced
I do need to lose that 5 o'clock shadow though ... when it feels safe to have treatments, in close proximity to someone, for which I can't wear a mask
Hi Alexis...
I had only seen myself as a male in a dress who wanted something else... until, one evening my wife did my makeup for the first time. When I looked in the mirror I just couldn’t see past the image of a woman that stared back at me! I just couldn’t remember any time before that moment when I had thought myself attractive!
I cried... I horrified my wife, who thought she had buggered up the makeup! But these were tears of pure joy followed by tears or confusions then back to joy! Ohh, Alexis... the realisation that here was Polly... finally!
Nothing to do with hormones as I was considered to be an Alpha male by all who knew me (unbeknownst to me). But my life as I knew it was over and a magical being was breaking out of my old skin!
Love Polly
Sharon, darling,
You look absolutely fabulous! I, too, have adopted the shorter hair style!
💋💋💋 Polly
