Looking in the mirror is what keeps me going, I stand there and look at this cover keeping me locked away and say let me out, you don't need me anymore!!
And I see the female me more and more even though just starting my transition. It makes me feel so much better.
And being here on TGH has been so so helpful and relaxing it is unbelievable.
yes, yes, YES about the feeling!
I haven’t started HRT, or even therapy yet… but hopefully soon. But the mirror? Especially the last year or so, every so often I find the mirror “grabs” me, not sure how else to describe it.
I won’t mean to, but I’ll be looking quickly in the mirror and suddenly I get transfixed and I end up staring at/through myself for like 4-5 minutes. Most of the time I feel like I’m saying “who is this I’m looking it? I know it’s not me.”
It’s very uncomfortable and it ALWAYS sets off at least a 24-hour bout of sadness / dysphoria.
So, yeah, not a big fan of mirrors.
Allie
Only today I got word for my endocrinologist that I can start gender affirming therapy. Justin time for my birthday.
my case is strange I am days away from being 76. So looking in the mirror is hard while I do sort of see myself as female, it sort of isn’t the female I would like to be. I sort of see my mother but not the young woman I would love to be. I will never get to be the young girl that I desire to be. If I do say so myself I don’t look nearly as old as I am. My face and body don’t really fit my age so finding clothes that are age appropriate is kind of hard. My legs can rock a pair of 1X leggings and with some more work my waist will be inline (right now I am a 48 bust 38 waist and 44 hips). But I LOVE the feeling I have when I am being Leslie and when I am dressed as Leslie. And I can’t describe my excitement about finally being able to start HRT! And bringing me more inline inside and out.
Hugs,
Leslie
Not so much mirror. I get confused signals. 😁 It's photos since I came out to my family. I don't wear my clothes much at all. Almost always his. I like his clothes and really don't mind wearing them on that level. I've done it for 61 years now. But time wearing those is time not wearing one of my beautiful dresses that make me feel pretty and feminine and like a real girl by which I mean woman. I just like girl better.
Anyway, once in awhile I put on a dress and makeup and so on and go someplace where no one will know me and spend time shopping, hanging, whatever. A couple of times my college age daughter has gone with me. She loves it. She remembers not to call me dad when we're out like that. She calls me Abby.
So anyway, I've got a few pics from those occasions and that's what I look at. You see yourself differently in a pic than in the mirror. And I think it's a truer view. And you can just sit comfortably and look and see what you see - eye color, lips, cheeks, smile (or no smile - why?), lines or a youthful lack of them, hair - length, amount, style, need a brush, thinning up top or bushy to the point of almost being aggravating, ears, neck, freckles, how light plays off your skin and features perhaps even softening them, the wonderful job you did with your makeup (or maybe not!😂). And if you have a full body shot there's even more.
I prefer mostly to look from the chest up. Maybe I don't have much hope for the rest. 😁
Anyway, I've got a couple of really good pics from when I was out with my daughter. And as I looked I just so loved the smile on her face - in one pic somewhere between goofy and beautiful. And then slowly my eyes were drawn to my face. And I usually ask myself if I see any of the feminine. Usually it's no or not much in my opinion. But that day - it was magic. I was looking at Abby just as sure as could be. I realized I needed to stop talking myself as she and her and Abby as if she were someone else. Abby is me. I'm Abby. And I look like the woman I am. At least to me and that is what is important. If others don't see it or choose not to see it or opt to make fun of it that's on them. I'm Abby. I'm Abby.
So wonderfully put Charlene. Such good things to hear as I get into my nightie and get ready for bed. 😊🙆♀️
I looked into the mirror for the first time since I came out to both myself and my family and chose my true name a few days ago and I felt like NOTHING looked right not even my hair color as I can quite literally picture beside myself what I'm supposed to look like and I didn't look like anything close to it and I felt hideous and it didn't help that my grandparents whom I live with insisted on dead naming me to the point of tears and all this occurred while my grandparents and I were in the process of moving from Lansing Michigan to North Michigan in the middle of nowhere near Kalkaska Michigan and for those who are heading to Michigan, Lansing is starting to become unsafe just like Detroit did at one point, it is not as bad as Detroit is currently but it is best to avoid needless hassle and not go to Lansing or Detroit.
I'm also looking for some place to stay incase my grandparents either kick me out or get to much to handle with them constantly dead naming me and giving me men's clothes(*growl* what is it going to take for them to realize that I'm only willing to accept women's clothes and any men's clothes will be donated outright).
Yes i see her all the time , she's here to stay . Wouldn't change a thing , she's much softer and nicer , better attitude to . Don't fight her , she know's best . Leslie
