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Are you "Transgender" or "Woman" (or "Man")?

94 Posts
63 Users
13 Reactions
Posts: 51
Trusted Member     United States of America, New York, Kingston
Joined: 3 years ago

Love your response.  I myself have toyed with the idea that I have always been a girl, and now a woman.  Choosing to come out is a complicated social calculus as we know the world in which we live is not very forgiving. And such a decision often comes with inevitable loss. And danger.  For me, coming from another often maligned group and understanding those challenges,  I would choose to speak out when necessary to educate and fight discrimination.  Kudos to those who do.

Posts: 3
Active Member     Canada, Newfoundland and Labrador, Torbay
Joined: 2 years ago

I think of myself as a transgender woman, not because of biology, but because I grew up and lived over 40 years as a man. Even though I was always female deep down I experienced life as a male and as such had a very different life than i would have done as a female. I am proud of the life that I lived as a man and am fortunate that my past does not trigger any dysphoria for me.

I also feel that it is important for society to accept transgender individuals and the more of us that are able to be open about our trans identity the easier it will be for those that are struggling to come out.


Posts: 131
Estimable Member     United Kingdom, Wiltshire, Marlborough, Wiltshire
Joined: 3 years ago

Well my reply was 2years ago, and true for me when I said it. But you know, on this trans journey people change. I have since had top and bottom surgery, and bits and the outside sure looks female now. HRT has done it's job and my emotions, documents and medical gender have slipped to 'F'
Calling myself trans now seems both unnecessary and confusing, for me and others. I always wanted to just blend in, be like other women and get on with my life. It's not a denial of being a trans woman, it's just not a badge I wear 24/7.
So now I don't call myself trans a transwoman or a woman. I just say, 'Hi I'm Alex.' If people don't question it...I don't say any more.

Alex x

Posts: 41
    United States of America, New York, new york
Joined: 9 months ago

Personally, I would choose to tell people about my transgender identity, and I don't feel like there's anything to hide about it. Although the first few decades of my life were painful and confusing, Da, it was the life I really lived. It is these painful days that make up my life, and because they make me feel how good my life is now. That period of time is like reminding me every moment to cherish the present. Of course, I also think that memory is precious. It's like I've lived two lives my whole life two different lives, and it's kind of amazing. I think my current attitude and personality are related to my previous life. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for who I was. Now I feel that everything is not as important as my happiness. I can do whatever I want. I can go out on dates. If people like me, then we can be friends, if they can't accept me for who I am, then we can be strangers, no big deal.

Posts: 27
Eminent Member     Belize, Belize
Joined: 8 months ago

I would only reveal my transgender identity to selected persons. Of course, this would be a function of how well I am able to pass or at least blend. I am much more than my transgender identity and I'm concerned that it would wind up defining me in the eyes of people.

Posts: 41
    United States of America, New York, new york
Joined: 9 months ago

I think you're absolutely right. Only if more and more people dare to admit their own identity, then more and more people will respect us until we are a group. If we can't admit that we are transgender, who will?
I was born a man, but I want to be a woman. In the end, I got what I wanted, and I believe my past didn't stop me from becoming a woman. On the contrary, that experience has made me a more independent and confident woman. I have never been afraid to tell people that I am a transgender woman, and I also explain our situation and situation to those who don't know our community, because I know how difficult it is to be transgender.
I believe people prefer us to be open and honest. That's what my boyfriend says, he says he likes the confidence and optimism in me. He said being brave and being yourself is the coolest thing. I give this sentence to you, come on, brave to be yourself.

Posts: 15
Eminent Member     United Kingdom, West Sussex
Joined: 5 years ago

A bit late to the party but here's my thoughts....

How can a five year old know about biology, sex, sexuality and beyond yet know that he wanted to be like the girls in wanting to dress like them and play their games. Whatever possessed me to ask a girl if she had a dress like hers I could have or ask a friend of my sisters to dress me up and even dress up myself in my sisters clothes. I was a boy and society had me conform to that stereotype yet there were still those nagging thoughts, was I a girl?  By the time puberty beckoned girls bodies changed and mine didn't so when dressing the padding went in and became a teenage girl. But then hormones kicked in and all change for me and my body let me down knowing that I wasn't the same as a girl because my biology was different but size wise and emotionally there were those female traits. I also began to have a life as this male and therefore created a history along with an identity that everyone knew. Back in the day the only 'labels' were Transvestites, Transexual and Drag queen well I was certainly not the latter  but maybe one of the others but it mattered not as no one knew of my deeper thoughts and there was a contentment that there were opportunities to dress and that a dream was in my head.

Roll on time to about thirty years ago and the big leap to tell my mother, then family which was a pivotal moment as it could have gone either way but was accepted and my identity could change for moments in time which became more and more frequent. I was asked the usual, 'Are you gay' or 'Are you looking to change sex'  but that was at the time but nothing said after that as it was accepted  that liked dressing as a woman. I know some hate the word passable but yes I could go out and start to blend in and as my identity was found the stares stopped, I was passable which made me feel good  and confidence grew.

The next phase was telling others which included work colleagues, neighbours and friends, again a few questions but acceptance. If asked the answer would be, this is who I am and they can draw there own conclusions. Eventually the dressing became regular outside of work and on retirement full time then entered the world of work and making new friends as Angela.

I have a history as a man being a son and male friend and have no shame about that and due to that if my mother or close friends call me by my old name then so be it, we will talk about the 'old' days and I look back at what has been achieved with pride. The majority of other friend call me Angela and in all scenarios am treated as a woman and even my mum and family will remember to call me that if out or in company.

But now I have a new history since living full time working meeting lots of new people and making new friends, my credit and bank cards reflect my identity too. When I apply for work a covering note is put in to explain that I am socially transitioning and my female details. I was surprised at the success rate to interview, there was nothing to suggest I was there to get the quotas up and offers came. Only the managers knew and entered as Angela with an I.D tag to match. If the staff , clients or customers knew was irrelevant and was never questioned nor set apart, I was one of the workers.

New friends, neighbours and associates were perhaps going to be the next test but when you get to know each other and nothing is asked you wonder. Sitting with a friend or in a group feels natural and the topics of conversation are purely female, believe me. I can easily talk about my past careers as being a female as women do the same jobs then talk about my childhood as being a girl but everything is second nature now, they see a woman.

I am happy with my body as it has served me well and with a few enhancements the female is now free and at my age surgery is less important as I am where I have wanted to be.

So I have transitioned from the male entity to the female without any surgery nor name change. My only concession is to go on hormones now which has not made a lot of difference as yet.

So am I any of the above that's for you to decide as labels are meaningless to me as this is who I am and always was and that is a female.






Posts: 194
Reputable Member     Canada, British Columbia, Victoria
Joined: 2 years ago

Very late to this party, but let me add my thoughts on the topic.

I have always known, or felt, that I was supposed to be a girl. That knowledge followed me all my life.
While recovering from open heart surgery several years ago, I came face to face with the knowledge that I was transgender and needed to surrender to the woman who had always been inside. So almost two years ago a transitioned to living as that woman. My life prior to that was that of a person forced to play a role and pretend they were a male, a role I never fully succeeded at. I recently found out that I am an intersex person, an intersex female.

So I knew that I was a trans woman, and now I know I actually am, a woman.

Hugs girls,
Ms. Lauren M

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