I've read many posts about ladies having "second thoughts" about her lifestyle or transition path; and as a result throwing out hundreds - or even thousands - of dollars worth of beautiful clothes, makeup and accessories...only to IMMEDIATELY regret the decision and begin anew. My question is: is this something that every girl does at some point in her life? Is it a necessary - albeit DIFFICULT - life lesson in helping to define who we are to ourselves - with the lesson ultimately being that purging the physical things doesn't purge who we really are?
Your thoughts and opinions would be very interesting to me.
Hugs!
Shawna
@shawnalayne I purged many times over the years before coming out. Iβve bought back stuff I donated to goodwill in the past and then, donated it again. Β How crazy is that. Itβs all a part of the feeling of guilt, shame, needs, desires, confusion of who we are with the hopes this time is the last time. Yeah, right.
I've come close, a couple of times, Shawna-- but my wife beat me to it. This was back when I had very few items of feminine attire-- mostly lingerie. I know that she was trying to get rid of me (Dawn) for the sake of the marriage, but I don't think the purging had an impact, one way or the other except that I got resentful of her. Why should she get to be the only one, in our relationship, to be pretty & express her femininity? Now, I have more clothes, shoes, (makeup) etc. than my wife & my male persona put together. And I'll be darned if I'm going to dump any of it.
Purging happens because people think that Out Of Sight = Out Of Mind, but it doesnβt. MANY have said that the feeling/urge comes back worse than before, so there is no net gain; only a new loss of $$, β¬β¬, ££ or whatever...
For the record, over 8 years, I have never purged...
I don't know that purging is 'necessary' - it is common though and I know I've done it on several occasions.
The odd thing is, I don't really know why? I mean, I told myself it was to avoid any possibility of getting 'outed' when I really had to have people in my flat while in 'male mode'. But, in reality, I could have easily sequestered my stuff where folks wouldn't have seen them and it wasn't as if they were going to conduct a forensic search of my home!
All I do know is that I usually only lasted a day or so before I started building up my collection of lingerie once more and after that a steady stream of clothes and make-up would find their way to me.
I guess Shawna's last point might be true - in the end, the cost of replacing the items and the sadness it brought me in those periods when they were gone really stopped the purging and made me accept living as woman wasn't something I had any real control over. I guess, many years later and in a slightly different stage of life, I'm learning that lesson all over again.
Thank you for a thought provoking question.
Rachel x
Maybe we purge because we find ourselves in the wrong situation to take our dressing/transition to the next level. When I was younger and I purged it was usually because something made me feel guilty about dressing in private as the real me. Possibly I heard a person of authority talking about how men dressing in women's clothing were perverted. Or possibly because a significant other came to close to finding my cache of female clothing.
Gender dysphoria became so strong at the age of 60 that I was forced to come out to my family for the sake of my sanity. After that I chose to never purge again.
Necessary? In a perfect world purging wouldn't ever be considered, much less acted upon. Being in denial may lead oneself to purge. I certainly did many times. Things are improving for us and I believe purging will happen less often.
Same here Jamie!
buy cute lingerie, makeup etc, feel shame and guilt, and fear of being caught, purge..... repeat.
not anymore tho.
Seren is here for good
stay safe
S xx
I never 'purged' in the traditional sense because I didn't start my journey 'crossing'. What DID happen though, was/is that every milestone I make in my physical transition, the more of my 'male' wardrobe gets purged. I'm pretty much full-time femme nowadays and only have a small fraction of my 'boy' clothes left. It's a huge liberating feeling to let those old jeans and shirts go to make room for cute new things...
