I thought I had this figured out along time ago. Then something happens to change my whole perspective on my sexuality. When I first started to transition I placed an ad declaring hi I am Traci, just started transitioning and looking for friends, especially other transgender people to talk with. I recieved 40 or more replies, mostly all men and everyone of them was about sex. That was not my purpose in the ad at all and I deleted each of them. Then comes Steve, a married man that says hi and he just wants to be friends and share my transition as it progresses, he said lets just get to know each other and share our day to day lives. No mention of sex, no requests for pictures just lets get to know one another. That was 8 months ago, we have kept our friendship since that day, emailing each other once or twice a week over the last 8 months. I tell him about my days and life, the small victories and the setbacks, he always complements my ups and tells me the setbacks are just temporary and I am becoming more Traci, the woman everyday. Its wonderful to hear his support, we have talked about one day we may meet and have a drink, me as Traci Lynn and his dear friend. Of course we have done some flirting as that comes with any friendship but nothing sexual really. Boring I know, but the truth is I have never been attracted to men in that way. In the beginning I assumed he would get bored and the conversations would lessen and ultimately end. But 8 months and still we write each week at least once. No, there is a real friendship between us and now I am confused. I could love a man like this, commit to an actual relationship with someone like him. Oh dont get me wrong, I would never jeopardize my friendship or his marriage. But I had always thought my ideal mate would be a woman or a woman like me. Now all I think of is the possibilities of a man like Steve. Is this normal? I truely hope someone here can give me their thoughts on my confusion.
Traci Lynn
Traci,
I don't know enough to give "expert" advice, but would you mind an "older person's" view? Your question of "Is this a normal reaction?" is referring to when we transition does sexuality change? I think we all walk in the same direction, but down different paths. We all have different backgrounds and stories. What does your heart say?
Is it normal? I think that there is no normal, but with the changes and issues we deal with comes a LOT of introspection and self realization. We all break from traditional gender roles when we careen down this trail. It only follows that there may be sexuality changes that take place as we go through the transition. It all comes down to what makes you happy. Really no need to pigeon hole yourself into any certain sexuality these days, right?
Just my opinions. Truly, sexuality shouldn't even come into it. If you hit it off, you hit it off, right? As always, just be cautious. Okay, darlin?
xoxo,
Nikki
Thank you, in truth my sexuality has not really changed its my perspective about men. I have been bi/pan sexual for over 25 years. I have just never considered relationships with men in all that time. The recent events of my friendship have just changed my perspective and its a little confusing to me.
I'm not so sure about one's sexuality changing. In my case, I knew I was different back when I was 11 yo. But growing up in those days, society was much more intolerant of "differences"...that coupled with an abusive childhood, led me to follow a path that wasn't true to me. Sure, I got married and had sex, but was that more of a biological drive b/c of the testosterone coursing through my body. So many years later, I long to have GRS and be with and make love to a man. I have no sexual interest in women whatsoever. Follow you heart, be true to yourself, proceed with caution, enjoy your journey.
I have heard of people's sexuality changing during therapy.
But in my case, I never really tried anything to begin with. I'm early in the transition process, just starting one-on-one therapy. I'm pretty sure I'm demi, but I've never explored my sexuality, so it should be interesting to see where I stand...
Hi all , i voted maybe . I wanted to vote no at first , but then i thought , how i feel since transitioning to my female thoughts and how i present myself . I came out to my self about 4 yrs ago , and i started thinking about my sexuality , i declared myself bi , why ? , because i started having thoughts about sex as a female to a male . I went on face book and made some pics of myself dressed as Leslie and started getting some nice comments by men , this made me feel more lady like , i have since made some my penpals and i enjoy being accepted as the female side of this situation , i like this feeling of being the submissive one in the relationship . I then asked myself if i ever meet one of these men out how far am i willing to go , will i give in to him all the way , how will i feel afterward , will having sex with a man change me for good , so many thoughts . I guess i will not know till it happens , then maybe i will come back and change my vote . Even my admitting there is a chance is my final admission to myself , is it not . I'am an older woman , and i would like to have a love interest again , i am not looking for just a man or a woman , i am looking for a caring honest relationship and yes i hope intimate . Leslie is the dominate one now inside me so we shall see how she chooses . I am Leslie i am woman , here me purr.
I admit that I don't know what the research says on this topic.
Before I transitioned, I tried to date girls and then women. However, when I was presenting as a woman, I was really only interested in men.
The armchair psychologist might say that I was using a female persona to deal with internalized homophobia. Or something like that.
But that's not true. My fantasies had never been about gay male relationships/sex; they had always been about straight relationships/sex. It's just that I had always been the woman in those fantasies. In other words, transitioning allowed me to have an authentic dating and sex life.
It's a complex area. In hindsight, I feel my pursuit of women in my 20's was more a desire to be close to a woman as it was as close as I could get to being a woman.
In my teen and early 20's I was"gay", although in hindsight, I believe this to be the straight woman in me.
Now, after 20 years of marriage to my wife, with the repressed memories in the stark light of day and being on HRT, feeling more physically feminine every day, and allowing myself to relax mentally into being the woman inside, allowing her to exist and breathe and be free a little more each morning, I find this process of relaxing into myself enables me to accept that I would be happier with a man who wants me as the woman I am becoming.
Although... Who knows if I will ever get a chance. This in itself makes me feel more feminine as I now want to be the object of a man's desire and that means: exercise, diet, nice clothes and all those other things, some pleasurable (like clothes and cosmetics) others a pain in the behind (diet and exercise). However, I am focused on getting as close to the body I want for myself, and as that progresses and my confidence grows... Who knows what the future holds. But yes, I think I was always a straight woman, but the years of psychological rubble from acting as a man, from confusion, repressed memories, fear and all the rest of the baggage just stopped me from knowing myself properly.
When I start to get unsolicited dick pics (unwanted though they may be) I will absolutely start smiling to myself about how far I have come.
