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Curious, have you started HRT? I have been on E for about 8 months an have noticed that my attractions have shifted greatly, I'm wondering if it goes the other way for those on T. growing up, I was always romantically interested in men, but sexually attracted to women, but now I'm both romantically and sexually only interested in men.
I don’t think it ever crossed my mind really until maybe twelve years ago when I came out. Until then, I just hide this ‘thing’ I had for being a female. The euphoria I got from expressing my gender as female was over coming. I felt so honestly female the feelings coursed through my veins but alas, they had to come to an abrupt end each time because I came from pre internet times and none of us I don’t think knew any differently other than seeing people like me in porn and I was not into that. I lived rural all my life so that made it harder also. I knew I was different. I knew I got my ass whooped when my father caught me dressed and wearing makeup at around age 8. I knew I was messed up knowing I was above average in non contact sports and still hiding in my room with some nylons or a bra that made me feel complete and free. I never ever asked myself why, why did I do this stuff. I simply did it. Over and over and over each purge. Seems looking back, each purge got bigger, first a simple item, eventually large garbage bags full of everything, only to start the collection all over again. How messed up was that?
At what age did I know? No idea. I knew I was different at probably around six. I accepted completely who I am twelve years ago when I went into a new relationship. I vowed to never date anyone without them knowing who I was, or at least who I thought I was, after all, do I still think I know who I am to this day? Not completely as the feelings and thoughts of myself seem to move like lava, slow, steady, quietly playing with my mind, my inner feelings, my femaleness and my maleness. It exhausts me at times so I try to avoid dwelling on it but sometimes the dysphoria is overwhelming. It’s ok, It’s just another day in the life of…
I seem to be one of the few who didn't cotton on till much later. In my twenties I began to wonder what I'd look like of I was female, but I didn't know what to do about it or knew why I began to think this.
Before then I knew I was different due to my rather girly tastes in animation. I just assumed I was weird but now know different.
I voted 6 - 10 but only because there wasn't a category for "by the time I was 5".
There was an event (I wrote an article about it at CDH) at age 5 during which I became suddenly conscious that, "I want to be a girl; I am suppose to be a girl."
Various events during growing up years fed that awareness, yet in that age (mid 50s to the 80s) one just didn't dare just 'come out". So I lived with the slow burn of hidden gender incongruity for decades.
It is still a slow burn mostly hidden but never denied nor do I want to deny that I want to be a woman. But today I know why. Even as I wrote in a recently published article here on TGH. I want to be a woman, because biology not withstanding, I am a woman at my core.
You know, I think I always had a touch of femininity inside me. Even from my childhood days! But not enough to exercise it (other than rummaging thru my Mother's clothes hamper, occasionally! But after three marriages, and passing 70, I have really experienced the yearning to become a Lady, and to actually date a man. I am now with that yearning, and so want to be a woman, a Lady! I have even built a large closet, with a lock, in my basement, and have already just about filled it with my dresses, skirts, slacks, and lingerie! That is one feminine habit I will never lose - searching through internet ads for pretty clothing! I just bought two new blouses yesterday on-line! I hope, one day soon, I will simply say, "I AM a woman!", put on a pretty skirt, and go downtown! (after I do my makeup, of course!
I AM Roxanne Lanyon
I was probably 5 or 6 the first time I remember wearing my mom's clothes. I got caught that time and made sure I never got caught again.
By the time I was I knew I wanted to be a girl, but in the 60's in Texas you didn't dare express that. I would put on my mom's bras and pantyhose every chance I got. I stole some of my best friends sisters bras and panties, even a dress.
Because of the times, I tried to deny it. But deep down I really wanted to be a girl. I did macho things so I wouldn't be found out. When I was 17 I got in trouble with the law and had to join the Marine Corps. I had my 1st gay experience while I was in there. I already knew I was attracted to men, but ended up marrying a gg. I had to prove to the world I wasn't a queer. I divorced and eventually married and had children. All the while I would dress the best I could when she was away. She had some nice things for me to wear. Well that marriage ended and I did it again. This time before I got married I told her I was a crossdresser. I didn't dare say I was transgender. She helped me pick out clothing to buy. Vicky was on the way.
I voted in this poll 30-41, although I knew from a very early age. I voted that way because at 38 I started hormones. At that time you could order them online. I did them for about 6 months and ended up in the hospital with blood clots in my lungs because I wasn't seeing a doctor.
Fast forward to now, I am 61 and still in the wrong body. The feelings have only gotten stronger to the point that it's overwhelming.
For all of the younger people that know, do it the right way, but do it. See a therapist, and endocrinologist and start your life, but be sure. Times are different now. I have a lot more to say about this subject, but I have to go now. I'll try to write more about it later.
Thanks for letting me say my piece.
Vicky 💋
Thx for sharing. I often wondered whether or not I would firmly be on that road earlier had the current clime exstex earlier. Yes… doing it with counseling and educated and informed use of medications is so important. I understand the desire to catch up with long standing desires. But being informed of the risks is as important as it is with any other medical treatment. That’s why WPATH exists. That said, I’m continually surprised by the lack of peer reviewed medical information out there. IMHO that’s something we can all help to change with our advocacy.
I knew something was different my whole life. At 72 I am finally coming to grips with it. Not sure where this journey is going to take me or how far I will be able to go. But someone is screaming to get out.
