Don’t blame me!!

Hello Beautiful souls, Thank you for your comments and feedback on recent articles, one never knows if a difference is being made without the feedback given; I am grateful.

It seems like a lifetime ago that I was sitting in the hot seat of the police station where I was living then; I had been charged for hitting someone, several times.

Not one of my proudest moments but certainly one of the turning events of my life, which is why I wish to share it with you here.

I was told repeatedly and taught that no matter what, never hit a female

I believed this presupposition to be true and I followed this rule up until that day. After several years of being hit, having my personal things smashed, and being bullied by the person who would say, I love you, through her tears when the abuse subsided, I felt the change in belief happen deep within.

I would not be hit again and do nothing to take better care of myself

I lived many years being treated with this disrespect and even physical violence, never once raising a hand to this person because of a belief (never hit a female) controlled my actions. Then on this day, my mind recalled another message taught to me; if you’re big enough to hit, you’re big enough to be hit.

I made a choice in that moment that changed one of my beliefs
and altered the course of my life forever

Not being aware of any other choices at the time, and based on the beliefs (childhood programming) I was then currently operating under, I decided that I was no longer going to tolerate being hit, spit on and having my property destroyed; I decided in that moment that if I was going to be hit, I was going to hit back. Not the best choice, but certainly a different one.

I felt it was only reasonable to share with this person my new choice, as our argument continued, the beliefs I carried continued to control my actions.

I spoke clearly and quietly stating my choice to hit back if I were to be hit again, as the argument escalated that day, I could feel my anger rising and I chose to leave the room to cool off – I was followed.

The door flew open and hit the wall with a bang; I felt the fist hit my face and, in a blur, I tumbled over backwards landing on the floor.

That’s when the new belief took over control of my body

I came up swinging. I only recall that I focused all my angry punches on one shoulder area and could see nothing else but that spot. I was making a point; I would not tolerate being hit any longer. As I sat in the police station, I was offered two options; the one I chose was a 90-day, anger management workshop.

The first document given to our group was an image; a red circle with a line strike through it like a ‘no smoking’ sign. Instead of the word smoking, this diagram held the word BLAME at its center. The facilitator said;

there is no blame, not for them, not for you,
only the acceptance of responsibility for one’s own thoughts,
feelings, and actions

No matter what mistakes you think you have made throughout your life, it does not mean that you are flawed and defective as a human being; it simply means that you did not have the life skill required in that moment, to make a more appropriate choice. No one is to blame for a mistake, but it is our responsibility to learn a new life skill.

Learning good self-care boundaries, self-respect, and appropriate life skills to take good care of yourself without using violence and abuse, is the responsibility of every human on the planet.

Not one of us can be blamed and judged by another person as being a bad person simply because we do not have a specific skill; once however, we become aware that this skill is missing, it is up to each person to learn the skills required to intentionally, and consciously, create a life we genuinely enjoy.

For me, that is a life free of misery and suffering and abundant of all the things that bring me smiles of gratitude.

This week, treat yourself to learning at least one new life skill that will reset not only your own life, but the lives of everyone who watches you along the way.

Thank you all for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you sincerely for being exactly who you are!

Namasté n huggles for you all!

Char

 

 

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From a life of struggle, addiction and suicide attempts, to Published Author, Certified Life Coach/Certified Hypnotist and building an online support service for peeps like us. Intentionally and Consciously Creating a Rewarding, Abundant Life of Purpose, Passion & Possibility is what I Am all about...

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Carly Holloway
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Member
Carly Holloway (@carlyellen)
8 months ago

Exactly on the mark, sweetie. An easy, stress free and contented life is the result of years of practice, practice, practice. Olympians gain the highest step this way.
Find a coach, a mentor, a respected friend, (hmmm…a counselor?) To help you improve your skills and refine your practice. Find the time to do the practices, in real time, in your mind, in your imagination, in your heart. Soon, the new skill is just a part of who you are.

Or not, and let the fatigue, hurts and stress guide your life.

Peace and love to you, Char.
Carly

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