Feminine Grace

Many don’t understand the meaning of grace and what it means to be gracious.  Yet countless numbers of my sisters have lived their lives expressing that undefined grace with their masculine selves.  You see, grace is more than just being poised and elegant.  It’s more than how you move and it certainly is not about being honorable.  If that’s what it was about then we would just use those words.

In the lives of crossdressers, particularly those who have found a significant other, they have usually made a sacrifice.  They’ve chosen to diminish, suppress, repress, or whatever word you choose to use, that side of themselves that doesn’t match the exterior.  This is what I did for over 30 years.  You may wonder, how in the world does someone do that and not come to a catastrophic end?  I thought about this for many years and there was a song that always came to mind that helped me understand it better and too calm my spirit.  In the song  More Than A Feeling by Boston, Tom Scholz penned the line…

When I’m tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
And dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
 

I very easily could change the subject of the lines to Cloe Anne and I know I would see grace walking out the door to give Drabby his life.  You see in my interpretation of this song, Cloe Anne was expressing the ultimate in feminine grace through a self-sacrifice in allowing him to have full control.  So she just walked away so he didn’t have to struggle.

After all, this is how I interpreted the teachings of those around me.  The woman digressed and allowed the man to be the one who shined.  She became subservient.  But this was a fallacy.  In a relationship the man and woman are partners and they strike a balance.  Yet Drabby did not understand this gracious person and so he set about building his life with his right hand tied behind his back.

In the Spring of 2015 with the waning of parental life evident after our last child left home, Cloe asked to have some time to be herself and Drabby acquiesced.  Yet several months later the door was shut hard when one of the children moved back home.  Drabby had finally sensed the loss he had suffered by not having his inner partner there at his side all these years and catastrophe was at the doorstep.  He began to explode inside and it seethed over the brim and impacted his family.  He had finally reached the crisis he had feared when Cloe had walked away all those years ago.  He knew it was time to come to terms with the truth that he was a crossdresser.

Wait, was that it?  Was Cloe not more than just a pile of clothes hidden in a box in the attic?  No, Drabby was still very much controlling the dialogue as it was the only way he knew to handle it.  Yet Cloe continued to assert herself.  She convinced that Drabby it was time to shave his face for the first time in years.  She then set about finding a replacement for the hair he had allowed time to erase and ordered her first wig with an awful result.  On the second try, she found it.  The auburn head of hair that she always knew was hers and Cloe Anne said no more walking away, you are alive.  She pleaded with Drabby in her soft and feminine way for months.  Seeking out women whom she admired for their strength, poise, and elegance, she showed him that she was a woman of substance and not just a fantasy or fetish.  She showed him how he had missed the point of acts of sacrifice as a measure of love from her.  Sure he had done it for his wife, time and time again, but he never did it for this side of my life. Suddenly Drabby realized what he had done and what they needed to do. 

In August of 2017, in the ultimate act of feminine grace by Drabby, I became a complete person.  Drabby admitted we were transgender as the label the world uses.  Cloe Anne Webb is who I became at last.

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Cloe (CC) Webb

Not quite full on southern girl who loves being classy and is spiritual, but knows how to have fun of which being sassy with a heart is part. I really love interacting with people and deeply care for everyone on the trans spectrum. I began living my authentic life full time June, 8 2018. I originally hale from the beautiful state of WV, but now reside in VA where my family has gravitated for generations.

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Cloe (CC) WebbStephanie KennedyKarlia FerrierMonique DuprésShanda Labonte Recent comment authors
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Stephanie Kennedy
Member
Member

Truly touched me. I want so much to allow Stephanie out I know she is sweet ,kind and very much a lady. Whenever I expose her we feel like a nerve has been exposed not pain but excitement she starts breathing as if she has been suffocating. I feel ashamed I that I have had my hand over her mouth not allowing her to breathe. I have denied her exsistance for over 50 years. Only allowing her to breath when my hand got tired. When she was allowed out she was wounderful. She did spend alot of money on expensive… Read more »

Karlia Ferrier
Member
Member

She is beautiful.

Monique Duprés
Member
Member

Oh Cloe, you write so honestly from the heart. This really moved me.

Roxanne Lanyon
Guest
Roxanne Lanyon

I love Coe Anne’s words. I shivered when I read them, and looked at myself. Am I nothing more than a badful of Lane Bryants, then? No, I think I am more. I have been “dressing” so long, that I now feel comfortable in skirts, hose, make-up. But also, now Roxanne herself has crept out, into my life. Roxanne, the girl who wants, needs, a partner, a loving entity, to care for her, to love her. Is it too late? No, I hope not, I do not think so. I can feel nothing better than being an integral part of… Read more »

Reuby Bell
Member

Cloe, I love your story. I see a lot of similarity in your life for four years I suppressed the Miss in me and became frustrated and angry and with the insistence of my wife, an alcoholic. She just did not give up until she saw me drunk. My mother was an alcoholic and it was painful to endure. I swore not to follow in her path. But my first wife would not give up her quest and finally got me drunk and regretted it. I am a rude drunk and have no control. I hate not having control. So… Read more »

Brandy
Member

Close, Thank you so much for sharing your story. When you talked about keeping your true self locked away for so many years it really hit home. I have for as long as I can remember felt i was differant, wondering time and time again what was wrong with me that I felt so out of place in my own body, mind and heart. Couldn’t talk to anyone about it because, well,,,after listening to the comments people who I thought were friends would make about others weather they be transgender, gay or lesbian, plain and simple, I was terrified so… Read more »

Dame Veronica Graunwolf
Member

Cloe Webb….my “Southern Belle”….full of grace, poise, grandeur, and presence! How I envy your story telling skills. I wish I could be a southern belle of Atlanta, “Blue Belles” one of my favorite shows….the parties, the ambiance, the poise, the presence. Oh I wear the dress and have the walk and talk down pat, but I lack the presence. Thank you for this tale…I enjoyed it very much.

Dame Veronica

LeslieAnne
Member
Member

Cloe You made me a little misty , your words seem a mirror of us all . One day i may get the nerve to come out, till then i’ll just have to let him be in charge . Wonderful letter, thanks. Leslie

Wendy Girl
Guest
Wendy Girl

It’s taken so long for me to accept that I am trans, but now I have I’m so much happier and way more fun to be around…for my family anyway..

Great post, Cloe.

Kristy Bucklyn
SILVER

“Armed with will and determination
And grace, too …”

Tessa Cee
AMBASSADOR

Cloe~
Welcome Home.

April King
AMBASSADOR - EDITOR
Member

Lovely article Cloe. Not too much more to say. Your journey is different than mine, but we both are on a journey of discovery.

Hugs,
April

Vanessa Law
Founder

Cloe what a beautiful and poetic expression of the struggle to be yourself – all of yourself!
Thank you for sharing, and thank you for continuing to shine your light for others to follow! <3

Captain Dionysus
Member
Member

Cloe Anne Webb, a woman of the people, an inspiration to those who struggle, a role model for those who travel the road one step at a time, and a gift to both Crossdresser Heaven and Transgender Heaven. Using that metaphor for what these sites aspire towards, that would make Cloe one of our true angels. Let us all enjoy the opportunity we have been provided, to build a positive and inclusive community, that aims to connect people with others who understand their pain, their struggle, the sting of rejection and ridicule, and the truth in their journey. Thank you,… Read more »

Mia West
Member

Cloe, I submitted this as an article on CDH when I first joined and was told it was a bit esoteric for the site. My response now is esoteric or not women’s spirituality has and always will be a part of my path during transition as it has been part of my path for the last 20 years. Part of this came from the idea of Hozier’s song Better Love. Self Imposed Self-imposed exploitation of my feelings, desires, and dreams, knowing how alone I’ve lived, unexplained, unexplored, unfamiliar to my family and friends. Living in fear, dreading each day, waking… Read more »

Shanda Labonte
SILVER
Member

Esoteric or not; lotta great lines “Seeking absolution without confession of any is my sins”
is my favorite. You expressed a lot of feelings describing me also. Better in fact than I could’ve described myself🙂 No two paths are the same but I’ve stepped in more than a few of your footprints. So, well written.
xx Shanda

Sarah Daniels
AMBASSADOR

Cuppy, I read you words and they hit points of familiarity within my story too. I completely understand that putting away of the other side of you. Over 25 years ago I first saw the woman within me. I stood staring into the mirror and I felt whole. Then I saw my wife’s face in the mirror and it was one filled with fear. She didn’t see me there and it scared her. For her I put Sarah away. I didn’t even have a name then, she was just a spirit buried within me theta didn’t match the outer shell.… Read more »

Sophie Korten
Guest
Sophie Korten

Cloe, I’ve read many stories of those who have accepted their inner self. However, you have written this in a very different way that conveys your feelings very well. Welcome to the bright side of the road!
I interpret your actions as learning to love yourself and something I had to also acquire before I could move forward with a real sense of purpose

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