Reply To: Tips on dropping hints

[Lufia]

I am 39, and have presented publicly as a heterosexual straight acting man my entire life, though I have always felt like a woman on the inside. I have not come out to my family completely yet, but I have been slowly preparing them for it for the last several years. I have worn women’s undergarments exclusively for 20 years, but kept it completely hidden until several years ago, before I started “accidentally” having a thong slip here or there. Eventually they got over that. Then I grew my hair out and began shaving my body hair. Eventually they started noticing that I shaved my legs, but we eventually got passed it. Over time, I have begun to gradually feminize the way I dress. I wear the most feminine looking men’s clothing I can find, or masculine looking women’s clothing. The question of whether I am gay has come up several times, but I haven’t addressed it. I have gradually started dropping hints that I am different. Though I haven’t come out and said it yet, I think my family has begun to accept that I am different, even though they don’t exactly know what that difference is yet. I have done this over several years, and I don’t put anything more than what they can handle on them at any given time. I try to do what is best for me, while also being respectful of them. The time has come for me to tell them, and so I will be doing it relatively soon. I know this was a long diatribe, but what I am saying is that you should take your time and do it gradually. You have waited for years, so there is no need to rush now. How quickly you do it depends on the tempermant and beliefs of your family members, as well as your own needs. The more time you give them to acclimate themselves to this change, the more favorable their reaction will be.