good news causes are known! during gestation in the first six weeks the female introduces a hormone which determines the body aspect. a few weeks later the female does it again which determines the brain functioning. so its possible to have a female oriented brain and a male oriented body. in fact there are numerous combinations of the above. not to mention the reverse! m2f and f2m!
so wondering if you are trans is like wondering if you are human! i think that wondering thing is social. often i get the horrible feeling of male regret. i remember being taunted if i presented the least bit fem. i noticed my sister got to be a tomboy but if i was a sissy all sorts of retribution occured!
i often rebel at my trans status and dress male for a day or two. then i get that drab feeling and out comes the miniskirt! i don’t think i will ever part with my miniskirt! i love it! it is the first piece of fem clothing i got that has stayed with me pretty much the entireity of my fem presentation. its a very short black pleated cling mini with chains. yum! when i finally have to wash it i get my iron out and carefully iron the pleats all neat and presentable.
i have had all sorts of silly and expensive fem stuff. when i discovered 2nd hand stores i was in bliss! at first i was self conscious going in there but now i’m bold. i remember the first time i shopped across the aisle at pennys. so self conscious! i still have those silly but wonderful flare jeans. i put little stars in the cuffs and they are mine mine mine!
one of the first expensive still fem things i did was shop for shoes in iowa city. yikes! i bought some fantastic cork heel sandals. i took them home and thought i would never wear them. a decade later and i have repaired them a few times i wear them so much!
the first dress i bought sufferer ill fate. i never wore it in public. and it was expensive! oh well.
ya just never know when you are starting out. its like a roller coaster ride!
That line about the miniskirt was great! I have to wear men’s clothing around the family, and I am completely miserable. The second I get them out of the house, out comes the miniskirt! I have a 12 inch Patagonia miniskirt. It is made out of a nylon swimsuit type fabric, and is so comfortable. I feel adorable in it. It feels like this huge weight is lifted off my shoulders when I get to wear it for a little while, lol.
As for the topic, I have had my doubts over the years, and I think it is completely natural. When you have spent your life living as a man, it is difficult to make a complete 180 and abandon everything you have ever known. I am still going through that process myself. I worry about how the people in my life will react. I worry about how my life will change, and whether people will accept the new me. I worry about the new challenges that i will face in life. I worry about the extra time I will have to spend getting ready every day. I wonder if it is all worth the trouble. Though I slowly began the process of coming out a decade ago, I have greatly accelerated it in the last few months. Though I was worried about letting my guard down, I have found that I feel better with each barrier of the coming out process that I have crossed. Though it has taken me a long time, I feel that I am finally at peace with myself. Throughout my life, I have been more concerned with the needs of the people around me, rather than my own. I have carried this enormous weight on my shoulders my entire life. As I have come out more and more, I have found that the people in my life may not understand me, but they love me and will accept it in time. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like I am carrying that entire weight on my shoulders.
In closing, I have found that much of my self doubt is due to worrying about things that are impossible to control. You can’t force other people to like or accept you. My motto is: “If someone has a problem with me, then it’s their problem. Not mine.” I can’t change who I am, any more than I can change who they are. You just have to worry about taking care of yourself, both mentally and physically, and everything else will sort itself out in time. You will be happier in the long run if you do.