You had me in the first paragraph hun. Yes, I’ve often felt different since I was old enough to establish such a thing. And yes, like you the lockdown and the pandemic forced me to stop. Stop busying myself with mindless jobs (of which I lost motivation more and more as the years rolled on), and for once focus on me, and my life, where I was at, and where I was headed.
I’ve always been quite ‘in there’ with the ladies, and like you I portrayed myself as a very successful (in the bedroom department anyway) guy. But needed to be either ‘off my face’ on drink or drugs to be able to ‘perform’. I am attracted to women but I’ve recently established that the need for drink etc, was down to really bad dysphoria.
And as for the sexuality side of things, I am more or less on the same page as you. I’ve never been with any guys though but believe me I’ve had more offers than I can deal with. Sadly, despite that I turned them all down. They were gay…And a gay man is attracted to other men. I identify as female and do not see myself as a gay man in anyway shape or form. The sexuality side of things is still a bit of a puzzle for right now, one that I’m sure I’ll figure out in time.