Hi everybody! I’m Ella…
I grew up as a transgender child. My mother recognized at a very early age that she was in fact raising another daughter, not a son. She made EVERY accommodation for me, which included appropriate clothing, and toys. (The only access to girls clothing I had was my older sister’s, who was 5 years older than me, so they must hung on me…) This was the mid sixties, and I can tell you that my mother was WAY ahead of her time in terms of being progressive.
I had a very close friend who was named Gabriella. I absolutely LOVED her name, it was almost musical. I came down the stairs one day and announced to my family, “Don’t call me “xyz” anymore. I want you to call me Gabriella, instead.” I was 5 years old. My mother gave me the nickname Ella, and that’s the ONLY way she addressed me, up until her death in 2018. My mother truly saw me…
I didn’t know my father as I was growing up as he was serving in Vietnam. My mother failed to tell him that, rather than having a daughter and three sons, he actually had two daughters and two sons. My father ABSOLUTELY freaked out upon returning home. Nothing short of 100% denial and rejection! I was 6 years old.
My father wanted to put a complete stop to my gender expression, but my mother put her foot down and made two things clear; first, “you will never cut her hair!” (He wanted to give me a military style crew cut!) and second, “she is free to be who she wants to be inside the safety of our home. If you want her to live as a boy in public, that’s fine (no it’s not, mom!!), but inside this house she can be who SHE wants to be.” I think it’s fair to say that my father HATED everything I represented.
I walked the tightrope of being in two worlds until I was 16. It was the mid 70’s, and the world was not ready for Ella to come out. So, I made the decision to live as a male from that point on.
Well…let’s see, how can I put it? After years of depression, anxiety, suicidality, extreme drug and alcohol addiction, failed 20 yr marriage, the loss of relationship with my children, etc… I reached a breaking point. I just wanted to be FREE again, like I was as a child.
Two years ago I started seeing a gender therapist, asked my close (and progressive) friends to start addressing me as Ella, and once again acquired all the girly things I could ever want or need… 😊 I started HRT in November, and am working with a speech therapist to see if we can’t tweak things a bit in the voice dept.
There ya have it. Sorry it was so long!!
I look forward to getting to know everyone!
Namaste, Ella
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