Reply To: Am I transgender-asexual?


This is an interestung question as I knew my gender at a young age but my sexuality took me many years to figure out and understand. I knew that I was most certainly attracted to the masculine and as a young child I found certain men very attractive and had my childish fantasies about being married and bearing their children. My parents were obviously quite concerned having a boy child that spoke of a longing to be a wife and mother. I never experienced a physical/sexual attraction to females so in that regard I came to identify myself as a heterosexual woman. I had then, and still have today, very close and loving intimate relationships with my female friends but it is not at all physical, strictly platonic in nature. I had no sex life prior to SRS, my shame and embarrassment over my disfigured body was enough to make me avoid physical contact beyond kissing and hugging.  After surgery I have experienced a physical union with a man but I never quite discovered the wow factor that my girlfriends talk about. Could be I haven’t met the right one who can make me experience fireworks, but as I get older I’m realizing that, truthfully speaking, I’m not really interested so much in sex as I am in close emotional bonding and companionship. I discovered this fact about myself when I became involved with a gentleman who had major health issues and was unable to engage in sexual activity. Unlike most men who are relentless in making you their next conquest, he showed me the greatest love and affection I had ever known up to that point and I found my time with him to be something I’ll never forget because I saw the fireworks without having to take it to a sexual level. Sadly he passed away after 6 months together but I’ll always remember him fondly for teaching me that authentic love between two people doesn’t always have to come down to two naked bodies in the throes of passion. It was freeing for me to know that I’m OK to not experience the heated sexual desire that others do; that we are each unique and distinct persons in our sexuality and its more than acceptable to live what is right for us as long as we live in peace and bring no harm or pain to others in the process.

I’m also encouraged by finding that other trans women I know also experience an asexual perspective in their relationships. I choose to fill that part of my life with my friends and family, all the things that bring joy and happiness to me life and I do not miss sexual intimacy at all.

I don’t know if that speaks to your question but that is my experience.

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