I am LOVE-Attracted to straight men. From an early age I gravitated to boys as a child and men as an adult. I always thought of myself as a woman inside, and that woman is now 68 years old. As a child I played with the girls, but sneaked kisses from the boys. It was amazing at the age of 4, or 5 how many boys are willing to kiss you. As an adult I learned to take care of my penis’ needs and had sex with many different woman, but mostly for the sex. Back 1973 I had a boy friend that was gay, and we shared sex. He enjoyed me as a male, and I enjoyed him only if he treated me and let me be the girl. It was special, but it was not love. I was getting to experience the “girlishness” that smoldered internally since birth.
I have fallen in love only twice in my life, and both times it was with a straight man. In 1972 during Vietnam I was stationed on a ship overseas. Me and another shipmate became very tight, we went everywhere together, did everything together, and this went on for 5 or 6 months. I knew how I felt about him, and I acted with true friendship. One afternoon we were both walking down a sidewalk in some big overseas city and he turned to me and told me he loved me. I stopped in my tracks, I turned and stood in front of him, I stepped in and embraced him with great affection and tenderness and whispered in his ear that I loved him to. He pulled away and said: “No…as a brother. We never hung out together again.
I fell in love once again in 1977. I was in college and met a professional road bicycler. I went to a very small college with only 300 students in all 4 years (tiny). His really fancy bike and my pretty good bike were the only one of any value in the bike racks. Our bikes often found themselves next to each other, and soon I meet him and we became next to each other. We biked together 3 or 4 times a week, we rested after a good ride, we talked and really enjoyed each other. He was amazing, and he was actually on the US Olympic biking team. I felt so good when I was with him. Months went by and we spent much of our free time together, but it was a strictly honors program college and we were both very serious students. One night I was in my dorm room and having just taken a shower was wrapped in a towel. There was a knock on the door, I opened it and there he was: He informed me he was leaving school, returning to train for the next Olympics, but he had to say goodbye first. I never saw him again. I read about him in various magazines and such, but never saw him again. I never told him I loved him because of the results last time, but I loved him so much. I was heart broken for a long time. He was my last true love. I still regularly think of him and wonder how he is doing. Almost the same with the first man, but not the same because he did reject me.
I am married now to an amazing woman. If she read this she would cry. I do love her but it is not the emotional melting, gladly submitting, long to kiss kissing type love. We were best friends for most of our marriage, and now with me almost a year into transition we are no longer even that. In the early 80’s a secretly a woman-man that wanted a family got married to a woman. Would she give me a few children was the question I asked her immediately before proposing to her. She answered YES, but within a few years she declared me a pervert and said she would not give me children. I was not a pervert, I was a feminine man captured by the social norm that transgender was verboten.
So, to make a long story short: as soon as I am with vagina I will go out and attempt to meet a man. I will be 70 or 71 years old by then, so my meeting a man may take that man a pair of beer-goggles. I am not afraid; the only thing I have wanted more and for longer then a man I truly love is to become a woman. As a child I wanted to be a girl; too late for that: woman it is!!