Reply To: Freedom or not

#101618
DeeAnn Hopings
AMBASSADOR

Halie:

When people come out, which is true for gay folks also, it draws a line in the sand. For some relatives, friends and co-workers what it means that your value is overridden by their prejudice. To me, that suggests that they were not really “with” you in the larger sense. I can only think that it is a good thing to find this out sooner rather than later as those folks will likely be a drain on you emotionally.

For those who remain close to you says that, while they may not really understand the concept of being transgender, they are least have the sense that they want you to do what is best for you and that they value your well being. This doesn’t mean that the people who choose to distance themselves are bad people, but they have allowed their prejudice to go unchecked.

I suspect that MANY of us get misgendered. It is just a fact of life. However, it does represent a decision point for you: let it go or respond in some way. For my part, I flip back and forth. Sometimes I respond and sometimes I don’t. Depends om how much energy I wish to invest. However, what I’ve hit upon is a pretty low key response. I’ll look directly at someone and say “Really?” or I’ll do a jerk and grunt. I don’t verbally respond beyond what I’ve said and usually that is enough to get someone thinking and let them know that what they said was not my expectation.

A couple of years ago my car club toured the Nethercutt Collection, a classic car museum in Sylmar, CA. It was founded by Jack Nethercutt who, along with his aunt Merle Nethercutt Norman, founded Merle Norman Cosmetics. Afterwards we met at a nearby restaurant for lunch. When I went to pay my bill, the young woman who was the cashier addressed me as Sir. I looked at her and did the “Really” number. She corrected herself and apologized profusely. She was so rattled that she had to add up my bill at least 3 times!?!? As I walked out I thought “Perhaps I made an impression!”. The thing is, while you can’t control how you are perceived in the world, you can control your response to it.

So, I am glad that you are here and I hope that it will be useful for your journey. Thanks for working on your Profile page. It provides a continuing sense of who you are and what is happening. Eventually all threads will sink to the bottom of the pile, but your Profile page will always be readily accessible and you can update it at any time as you see fit.

Also, if you want to search for other members in the Fort Worth area, click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

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