While the human mind is an extraordinary machine that runs/controls a very complicated device (the human body), we must also be aware of how it functions.
For example, there is the concept of Flight or Fight. If we are in a burning building, we will run out unless there is some particular reason not to. The idea of assisting someone else is such a compelling reason that can get us to override our natural thinking. There is a shift in our thinking, in this case from an internal focus to an external one, but events have to conspire to bring about that shift.
When we have a difficult problem to deal with, our minds will often try to put it off or divert our attention to something else less threatening. This is one way in which procrastination occurs. As long as our attention is diverted, we don’t have to consider something that can potentially be a source of a lot of stress. Our minds will usually default to whatever will cause the least stress. The way a therapist works is to recognize what it is that you are trying not to think about and work to gently keep your mind focused on what has been avoided. We know what it is that we need to think about, but often we just can’t bring ourselves to do it. That’s why we need someone else to help.
Sadly, I fear that you will remain stuck where you are unless something happens that will allow you to thoughtfully consider what’s happening for you and how to move forward. It is infinitely better to approach this in the near term and defuse the situation by dealing with it rather than doing something destructive later. The analogy is treating a disease in an early stage rather than having to move heaven and earth to treat a much more serious situation later.
Click on MEDICAL and then COUNSELING
Also, I have a friend in Dallas that you could talk to. After many difficult years she transitioned several years ago. Let me know if you would like to do that.