Sira & Emily,
The big divide between transgender-woman and earlier friends and family for me is that they can’t seem to grasp how much I want to be a girl. I have always wanted to be a girl. I have struggled mightily to control this life-long desire and to keep it from destroying my career and social life. The 50’s through the 90’s were not a time of compassionate understanding. So, I was a man; I was also always slightly broken.
I am 68 and completely out to everyone everywhere. The most common somewhat friendly reaction from most willing to somewhat friendly men is: Isn’t this a little over the top!, Is it really that important to you?, why would you want to do this?.
I received similar comments from a couple of woman, to include my wife. My wife’s initial reaction included wanting to know why I couldn’t just conclude my life without this distraction. I am 68, so what do I have left; 10 to 15 years if I am lucky. They don’t get it, and I truly believe they can’t get it because they don’t have it as a part of their whole life’s tapestry.
I love Michelle’s advice to you; get counseling and put kids on hold for now. Your relationship with your wife and your whole community needs to go through both the destructive and constructive aspects of becoming a woman as a transgender. I am now a woman, and I never want to go back. That alone was a hard decision to make. It took me a full 6 months of being a woman full time for me to really feel in love with myself again. I love me, and I love my wife more now. This is all good, but it will only influence, but not control the outcome.
Lead those you love with love and compassion.
Lead those you don’t love with equal love and compassion.
Lead yourself with love and compassion