Wow…interesting thread! I suppose many of us are like me, not even sure who or what I am. Am I a CD, am I trans, or am I just crazy? I originally found this site through Hannah McKnight, but it didn’t seem like me so I went over to CDH, became active and just assumed I was a CD. Dressing has always had a sexual connotation for me, but the last two years the more I dressed and worked on looking fem (weight loss, smooth body, make-up, actual clothes instead of just lingerie, etc.) the more it began to just feel right. I love being Haley, softer, more emotional, and sexy as hell (and girls get told when they look sexy, and who does not like being told they look desirable?). Physically, I find myself and my sexual desires have also shifted and I enjoy a man that treats me like a woman…in and out of the bedroom. Having crossed that line, I find it impossible to put Haley “back in her box”. And I don’t even want to, yet fear of this drastic change, fear of how I believe this would just destroy my family, our closeness, maybe our finances, keeps me living as I always have. I have come out to a couple of friends, both GGs. One is younger than me, a free spirit and she was very accepting. The other, although also very open-minded, was not so sure how to take me having known me as a man for 30 years. Both asked me what I hoped to gain by coming out at home, and I really could not answer. 40+ years married to my high school sweetheart, grandparents and we live on the same street, families intertwined and so many good things. Yet I live in this almost constant state of angst with a person that has also changed as we’ve aged, feeling as if I would be judged so harshly…although the physical and mental changes I have made are certainly evident.
However, it sure looks good from the outside looking in. But this time, Haley does not want to go back in the box, she wants to say “look at me, this is who I am”! For me, it’s not about self-discovery…f**k, I’m 65 years old. It’s more about deciding whether the status quo is better or some sort of change is better…and being willing to accept and live with the outcome either way.
I guess we are all more alike than we are different,,,