Reply To: Purging: Something Every Girl Does Along the Way?

#110108

Danielle,

So many similarities in our stories.  The 70’s and the 80’s were not progressive thinking years.  I was born in 1952, and by 1957 my father regularly taunted me as a mommies-boy.  Maybe my kindergarten teacher told my parents I was girl-like, because I was, and only played with the girls.  Very early on my mother started protecting me from my father; which I am not sure helped very much.  My brothers and sisters taking my fathers lead shunned me, taunted me, and literally never played with me.

I best decision I made at the time was to avoid my father.  He was fresh back from WWII shortly before my birth, and he held daily line-up inspections of the 6 kids.  He was a decorated war hero, and spent a winter behind enemy lines in the Ardennes.  I came to understand that he was as broken as anyone and had serious PTSD.

Early on I had to stop looking to both my mother & father for any type of validation.  I turned 18 and was in the military 2 weeks later; this was my first big purge.  I purged every family member from my life for many years to come.  Over the years I have on several occasions purged friends and residence by performing a snap-move.  Overnight I would be in another city and / or state, never to seriously look back.  This would usually happen following a “discovered” event, one that spread through my community.  With regular social interactions, like at a gas station, becomes a demonstration of disapproval of me…SNAP-MOVE!!

The military was surprisingly nice.  I was stationed overseas during Vietnam, and while on station lived out of a foot locker.  My bunk, my locker, a gun rack, and a ruck sack:  no girls clothes in there.  I didn’t try to hide girls clothes, but I never could hide that I was girl-like in nature.  But that wasn’t the nice part: the nice part was 30 days paid vacation a year.  I would save up my time and money and go somewhere, usually tropical.  Hawaii was a great place to get girled up, so is the Caribbean.  Once I spent most of a month in a hippie commune on the Big Island in Hawaii.  GIRL…GIRL… I GAVE IT SUCH A WHIRL!!  That was in 1973.  This time and every time before and after: out went all the clothes, sometimes just a few pairs of panties and a skirt or two, but sometimes some really nice stuff.

After Vietnam I went to college and joined ROTC.  I had the GI bill, but college was expensive even back then.  Over the years of undergrad, graduate, and medical school I had a few friends that didn’t understand, but were tolerant.  I always asked them for girl’s cloths or make-up for any present they gave me.  With time these things would also be purged.

I left ROTC, graduated from medical school, got married, and re-entered active duty as a Captain (O-3) all in one month.  Now is 33 years later.  I maybe had three pairs of panties all during that time; which eventually were purged, not out of fear of discovery, but I just wore them out!  Panties: the closeted girl’s go-to garment.  Again as in Vietnam, I couldn’t really not have a girl like personality; but I always really liked that part of me.  My wife withdrew from me.  She called me a pervert.  She scheduled sex with me on a calendar.  For three years I was allowed to have sex on Wednesdays at 3 PM.  Years later; that was more sex then I have had since.  On multiple occasions I tried to purge my wife:  when I got back 1997 after a year in Bosnia; I threatened her with a divorce if she didn’t get a job, she got a job.  When I returned in 2004 from a year playing Iraqi-Freedom, I asked for a divorce.  I never realized how hard it is for a medical professional to purge a wife.

PURGING:  I have purged so many things; friends, family, home-towns, jobs, whole communities, even furniture if it starts to carry sadness as part of what it experienced with me.

I came out in 2019.  I only purged once since then, and that was because the clothes weren’t what I wanted any more; So I brought all new clothes right away:  That was the most beautiful purge of my life.

Now I spend too much money on clothes.  Interestingly enough: when I came out, I came out like a rocket ship.  I hid my Transgender-woman status for less then one month prior to coming out.  I then came out to my wife, put on my prettiest girls clothes and visited all my neighbors, all my local stores and gas stations, my favorite bars & restaurants, the bike shop where our bikes are repaired; introducing myself as Lukcia every time.  NO MORE PURGING!!!  I no longer feel a need to purge my wife; but that’s OK, she is soon to purge me!

So, purge forum participants:  EMBRACE THE PURGE!

How about: MAY THE PURGE BE WITH YOU!

I have come a long way from “Fear Purging”, through “Social rejection purging”, all the way to “I need new clothes purging”

I really enjoyed writing all of this to you.  These forums make me think about who I am and how I got here.  I often feel like I stepped into being Lukcia a little bit more after I share something of myself.

LOVE
Lukcia Patricia Sullivan

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