So many similarities in our stories. The 70’s and the 80’s were not progressive thinking years. I was born in 1952, and by 1957 my father regularly taunted me as a mommies-boy. Maybe my kindergarten teacher told my parents I was girl-like, because I was, and only played with the girls. Very early on my mother started protecting me from my father; which I am not sure helped very much. My brothers and sisters taking my fathers lead shunned me, taunted me, and literally never played with me.
I best decision I made at the time was to avoid my father. He was fresh back from WWII shortly before my birth, and he held daily line-up inspections of the 6 kids. He was a decorated war hero, and spent a winter behind enemy lines in the Ardennes. I came to understand that he was as broken as anyone and had serious PTSD.
Early on I had to stop looking to both my mother & father for any type of validation. I turned 18 and was in the military 2 weeks later; this was my first big purge. I purged every family member from my life for many years to come. Over the years I have on several occasions purged friends and residence by performing a snap-move. Overnight I would be in another city and / or state, never to seriously look back. This would usually happen following a “discovered” event, one that spread through my community. With regular social interactions, like at a gas station, becomes a demonstration of disapproval of me…SNAP-MOVE!!
The military was surprisingly nice. I was stationed overseas during Vietnam, and while on station lived out of a foot locker. My bunk, my locker, a gun rack, and a ruck sack: no girls clothes in there. I didn’t try to hide girls clothes, but I never could hide that I was girl-like in nature. But that wasn’t the nice part: the nice part was 30 days paid vacation a year. I would save up my time and money and go somewhere, usually tropical. Hawaii was a great place to get girled up, so is the Caribbean. Once I spent most of a month in a hippie commune on the Big Island in Hawaii. GIRL…GIRL… I GAVE IT SUCH A WHIRL!! That was in 1973. This time and every time before and after: out went all the clothes, sometimes just a few pairs of panties and a skirt or two, but sometimes some really nice stuff.
After Vietnam I went to college and joined ROTC. I had the GI bill, but college was expensive even back then. Over the years of undergrad, graduate, and medical school I had a few friends that didn’t understand, but were tolerant. I always asked them for girl’s cloths or make-up for any present they gave me. With time these things would also be purged.
I left ROTC, graduated from medical school, got married, and re-entered active duty as a Captain (O-3) all in one month. Now is 33 years later. I maybe had three pairs of panties all during that time; which eventually were purged, not out of fear of discovery, but I just wore them out! Panties: the closeted girl’s go-to garment. Again as in Vietnam, I couldn’t really not have a girl like personality; but I always really liked that part of me. My wife withdrew from me. She called me a pervert. She scheduled sex with me on a calendar. For three years I was allowed to have sex on Wednesdays at 3 PM. Years later; that was more sex then I have had since. On multiple occasions I tried to purge my wife: when I got back 1997 after a year in Bosnia; I threatened her with a divorce if she didn’t get a job, she got a job. When I returned in 2004 from a year playing Iraqi-Freedom, I asked for a divorce. I never realized how hard it is for a medical professional to purge a wife.
PURGING: I have purged so many things; friends, family, home-towns, jobs, whole communities, even furniture if it starts to carry sadness as part of what it experienced with me.
I came out in 2019. I only purged once since then, and that was because the clothes weren’t what I wanted any more; So I brought all new clothes right away: That was the most beautiful purge of my life.
Now I spend too much money on clothes. Interestingly enough: when I came out, I came out like a rocket ship. I hid my Transgender-woman status for less then one month prior to coming out. I then came out to my wife, put on my prettiest girls clothes and visited all my neighbors, all my local stores and gas stations, my favorite bars & restaurants, the bike shop where our bikes are repaired; introducing myself as Lukcia every time. NO MORE PURGING!!! I no longer feel a need to purge my wife; but that’s OK, she is soon to purge me!
So, purge forum participants: EMBRACE THE PURGE!
How about: MAY THE PURGE BE WITH YOU!
I have come a long way from “Fear Purging”, through “Social rejection purging”, all the way to “I need new clothes purging”
I really enjoyed writing all of this to you. These forums make me think about who I am and how I got here. I often feel like I stepped into being Lukcia a little bit more after I share something of myself.
Lukcia Patricia Sullivan