I can relate. My parents would’ve been proud of me if I had ever stayed out all night and come home drunk. One time when I was in high school, I got a beer for my father, my mother told me to open it for him. When I did, I got beer all over my hands. I handed him the can and immediately went inside to wash my hands. My mother was so disappointed in me. She glared at me – actually glared at me – as she said, “Other teenagers would’ve been licking it off their hands.” I don’t even want to imagine how much more disappointed – how much more hated I would’ve been – if anyone in my family knew the person I really was inside.
I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve experienced over the course of your life for being yourself.